Aliens Don't Exist
by Emo Fox
Summary: Slight AU - Dib is crazy. Totally off his rocker. Zim was never real and Dib is trying to come to terms with it. Too bad Zim doesn't believe him when he says he isn't real. ZADR DADR
1. Chapter 1

"Aliens Don't Exist"

'Chapter One'

By: Emo Fox

Dib didn't want to be here, he hated these large suffocating rooms.

The blonde woman behind the desk didn't care about him and his personal problems, Dib was just another job to her, another broken mind to analyze and fix. Ms. Bueller didn't look at him when her eyes fell on him; she looked merely at his mind and nothing more.

He wished he could just go home.

"So, how long has it been that this…"

"Zim."

"Zim has been in your head?"

Dib lay back on the couch, getting comfortable, staring up at the ceiling. "Since I was eleven I think."

Dib's father wanted to cure his insane son; once thinking Zim was an imaginary friend, a figment of Dib's imagination but when Dib turned eighteen -- well, this imaginary friend thing was no longer 'cute'. He sent him to this shrink, Dib had a few in the past, but no one seemed to get through to him; no one could get rid of Zim.

Pills.

Dib took so many pills.

None of them worked.

Dib set his hand over his eyes, trying not to think, his glasses held in his opposite hand, the one brushing against the carpet.

"Why do you think he manifested?"

"I don't know." Dib said, a little exasperated, he'd been over this so many times before. He should have just recorded himself, saved himself the trouble of saying the same things over and over again. "I used to be into the paranormal, I liked the unknown, I think maybe I created him because of that." He said almost mechanically.

"Were you consciously aware you created him?"

Dib sighed, letting the hand fall from his face, "No, no I wasn't."

"But you understand he's not real?"

"That's what everyone tells me."

"Do you believe that?"

"Fuck." Dib let out a harsh breath, "Yes, I think he isn't real. Why would I be here?"

"You can tell the truth."

Dib stared at the blurry ceiling above him, trying to focus on his breathing. He hated the beginning of the sessions, he hated basically being told he was nuts and to just get better. He hated it. "I don't know." Dib said finally, "I don't know what the truth is."

"You can tell me."

"I saw him first in school." Dib said, "Or, I thought I did, whatever the hell it is I should be saying. I saw him there, he was pretending to be human, he wanted to destroy the world he said."

"Have you ever had bad thoughts towards other human beings?"

Dib shrugged, slowly sitting up on the couch, replacing his round glasses on his nose. He remained sitting up, his elbows on his knees, his lanky frame comfortable on the squishy couch. "Doesn't everyone?"

"Maybe," The woman said, "But, I want to personally know _your _story."

"I guess so." Dib murmured, "I was picked on I guess. Nothing really bad, normal kid stuff I guess, but I don't know if I always wanted to save everyone like I thought I did."

"Do you think Zim is your hatred for mankind?"

"That's a little harsh." Dib said, smirking just a bit, pushing up his glasses.

She smiled, "Maybe this Zim character is just all your bad thoughts and feelings, what you felt when you were younger, all your feelings of repression."

"Maybe." Dib offered, not really caring, the shrinks before him made the same guess.

Maybe it was true?

Dib didn't know why he had so much trouble with this.

He should be agreeing, he was logical, he could understand what they were feeding him, but for some reason it just wouldn't click. Zim just would never go away; Dib couldn't get rid of him.

"It's possible." She murmured, "You said you wanted to save mankind, you saw him as a threat, perhaps sometime before that happened you had split yourself, so to speak."

"Split?" That was a new one.

"Zim is you, just in a different form."

"Zim is an alien." Dib said almost automatically.

"So you tell me," She smiled again, writing something on the notepad perched on her knee. "But I would like to believe he's just Dib in another form. You said yourself no one else saw him, no one else acknowledged him or his threats towards Earth in general."

"Yes," Dib glanced towards the door, his hands gripping his knees, "I know he's not real or whatever, I understand no one else can see him."

"But you think he's real."

"I said that's what everyone tells me, that he isn't real."

"But do you _believe_ he isn't real?"

Dib was quiet, unsure how to respond.

Zim was so very real to him; it was really hard getting over the question whenever anyone asked. He knew what they wanted to hear, he knew what he should say, but he never could just force it out of his mouth.

"You know," She said, writing something again, "You wouldn't be uncertain if you truly believed he wasn't real. That's where the problem lies; we need to get down to the core of Zim so we can dismiss him from your reality, so you can live a normal healthy lifestyle."

"I work for my father," Dib said, "I make a living; I'm working to get my own apartment."

"I didn't mean it like that." She said, "But, your father says you talk to yourself a lot, you go off on tangents, you lose your temper, that really isn't healthy."

"I talk to Zim."

"Yes," She said again, looking over the rim of her horned glasses, "But we need to get rid of Zim, don't you see him as a problem?"

Dib looked to the plain blue carpet, up to the woman's shoes, seeing his reflection in the black heels. He felt suppressed, alone, so strange in this big room. "Is he really fake? I mean, he has a whole history, he lives on Irk with his Tallest and…" Dib hung his head, "I don't want to be crazy."

"I'm not saying your crazy." She said in a more somber tone, "I'm just trying to address the issue. The issue is Zim; we need to resolve this issue."

"I just don't," Dib murmured, "I just don't think he isn't real. I know everyone says he isn't real, but he is, I know he is."

"How do you know?"

"His whole life!" Dib said, looking up to her with wild honey eyes, "I know his whole life, he's been with me since I was eleven, it didn't seem fake. It really felt real." God, he sounded so pathetic.

"Do dreams feel real?"

Dib started, picking at a string on his shirt, "Yes, I guess."

"Dreams feel very real sometimes." She paused, "Zim is just a figment of those dreams, he isn't real, though he might feel real."

"It's just hard to believe that," Dib didn't look up, "That all that we shared between us isn't real, that it's all fake."

"All you shared?"

Dib let out a sigh, sitting back into the couch, not comfortable at all anymore. "He was my only friend." Dib murmured, "Sort of. I know it sounds pathetic and stupid, but it's true. He was my rival but I also saw him as a friend, and I just don't want to believe that it's all fake, that I'm just crazy."

She wrote something else down, "Your only friend? You don't interact with others well?"

Dib continued to stare at nothing, "I don't have very good people skills I guess." Dib said, but humor wasn't in his tone like he had intended, "No one liked me much, I was the weird kid everyone avoided since I was young. I was always chasing after ghosts, vampires, aliens."

"You had a very wild imagination."

"I guess so, I created Zim after all." His tone was sarcastic.

She ignored the sarcastic comment, "Maybe Zim was created so you would have self-worth?"

"Self-worth?"

"You would defend the planet, save the human race; show everyone that you meant something, that you were important." She flicked her blue eyes to Dib, catching his eyes and taking note of his tense posture; she was hitting a nerve. "Then everyone would want to be your friend, hm?"

It sounded so childish when she said it like that.

Childish, but oddly believable.

Could it really be that Zim wasn't real?

No, no, no, he had to stick to his guns; he had to ignore what she was saying.

It wasn't true!

He wasn't crazy!

"I don't know." He said lamely, biting the inside of his lip, clearly not at ease with the situation anymore.

"Zim is all the parts of you, you view as bad." She murmured, "I still believe he might just be the other half of your personality."

"Split personality?" Dib asked, "I don't think I have pills for that yet." He said in a humorless tone.

"It's just an assumption, I don't know anything for certain yet, I can't diagnose you until we talk more about the issue." Ms. Bueller said calmly, "But, it seems more probable, don't you think?"

"Sure." He said, really wanting the session just to be closed, "But I still don't see how the other part of me is an obnoxious alien who has no common sense."

She quirked a brow, "Zim is very defined, isn't he?"

"I told you," He said, "Zim has a whole past, he was in half of my past, he has a personality he…he's a whole different person."

"You said you chased imaginary things when you were little," She started, "Ghosts, aliens, vampires?"

"Yeah but—"

"Perhaps you just created Zim with the intent of having something to over-come, as I said, to have a feeling of self-worth." She said calmly, "Zim is all your left-over personality traits you don't like, all the things you don't see in yourself, and because you don't see those things in yourself you made Zim a whole different species so you wouldn't have to come to terms with the bad side of yourself; so to speak."

Dib listened, unsure how to respond, she was so very thorough with her words, it was hard to shoot them down in his head – hard not to start believing her, she sounded so tangible, so logical, so very _sane_.

"Zim is obnoxious you said," She started again, "You yourself are rather reserved aren't you?"

"I have my moments." Dib said as if trying to defend himself; or Zim, he couldn't be certain.

"Yes, but Zim is always outgoing isn't he? He's the reason you lose your temper isn't he?"

Dib shrugged, knowing it was the truth but he didn't really want to say. "I guess."

"Do you fight with him a lot?"

"We used to."

"Used to?"

"When we were younger." He said, staring at a point on the carpet, "We don't fight too much anymore, not really."

"Why is that?"

Dib shrugged, "We grew up maybe? He's a little more calm now, but that's not saying much, Zim is a hot-head and he still doesn't understand…" Dib stopped himself, glancing up to her, his lips tugged into a frown. "I sound crazy."

"Doesn't understand what?" She said softly, trying to coax him into talking some more.

"Doesn't understand humans still," Dib glanced to the door, "Doesn't get certain relationships."

"Relationships?"

"Do I have to talk about this?"

"We'll talk about whatever you feel comfortable with."

"I don't feel comfortable talking about that."

"Alright," She wrote something else on her notepad, "What would you like to talk about?"

"I don't know." Dib said, "Does it matter? He's not real or anything anyway."

"You keep saying it like that," She said, "With that sarcasm. You really think he's real don't you?"

Dib shifted on the couch, looking tense and uncertain again, "I don't know."

"Your father mentioned you sometimes would have bruises on your body, sometimes you'd have cuts or bloody noses." She said, "He said you used to say it was a kid at school beating you up, you said Zim beat you up a lot, and your father didn't think too much of it. Boys will be boys he said, but then he found you talking to Zim in your room sometimes, in the living room, places where he could hear you." She continued to speak, "He found out Zim wasn't real, and he grew concerned. When was the first time he enrolled you in this psychological program?"

"When I was fourteen." Dib murmured, "Nothing serious though, I never went home with prescriptions. Everyone said I was still suffering from a child's syndrome, still holding on to childhood with an imaginary friend."

"Does Zim still beat you up?"

"He doesn't just beat me up," Dib grumbled, "I beat him up too, it's mutual, he wants to take over the world remember?" His voice ended in a lazy drawl, his bronze-colored eyes looking towards the woman.

"Mm." She wrote something down again, "So you inflict harm on each other mutually?"

"That's what I said."

"So you see him with bruises or cuts too?"

"His blood is green." He said absently, looking up to the ceiling, feeling antsy again, wanting to just be home.

"Green?"

"Alien."

"Right," She smiled though it didn't reach her eyes, "Do you use weapons to hurt each other? Knives, razors?"

"No," Dib murmured, "Not really. Just punching, clawing and biting mainly on his end."

"Clawing and biting?"

Dib shrugged, looking to her again, "It's just how he fights sometimes, I'm bigger than him now so he gets sorta desperate."

Dib felt comfortable discussing Zim like he was real; but whenever he paused and thought about it, whenever he really realized where he was and who he was talking to he'd grow tense and apprehensive again. He knew everything he was saying only damned him further, proved that he was insane, and he knew he should shut up but he couldn't help it.

Dib talked when he was nervous.

"Would you mind taking pictures next time you two fight?"

"Pictures?"

"Of the wounds," She said easily, "Of any bite or claw marks, of any cuts or bruises."

"Oh, uh, sure." Dib said, wondering what the point of that was. Did she think he was self-mutilating himself? Well, of course she did, Zim wasn't real after all. She probably wanted proof so she could analyze it, tell him that he somehow cut himself with knives he wasn't aware of and was able to bite his own neck or whatever.

That was right; Zim did things he couldn't do to himself!

Proof!

He could get proof and prove he was sane!

Dib found himself smiling with his newfound plot, he opened his mouth to speak only to be cut off by his shrink.

"Dib," She said, setting the board on the table and getting to her feet, "Our session is over, I'll see you on Tuesday."

Dib got up off the couch, picking up his coat off the arm rest and extending his hand so he could shake yours, "Sure." He said, but he was rather distracted.

"Don't worry," She said, "We're going to take this slow, we made some good progress today don't you think?"

Dib didn't look to her directly, slipping on his black trench coat, adjusting the collar, "Yes."

"See you Tuesday." She said again, gesturing towards the door for the boy to leave.

"Alright." Dib made his way to the door, his hand resting on the handle when he heard her voice again.

"Remember the pictures."

"Right." He nodded, opening the door, intent on going home and confronting Zim.

--

A/N:

I really can't get enough of writing about the human psyche. This had always intrigued me, the idea of Zim being nothing more than a figment of Dib's imagination. His whole life put in question because all the battles and the epic conflict for Earth was all pretend, not real, fake.

It's very interesting, but I do hope it's more interesting to other people and not only myself.

This is going to be an on-going chapter-fic. It's going to be full of drama/angst/and human x alien lurve in Dib's… uh, head? Yes, I'm making him super nuts but that's alright. Later on there will be Dib x Dwicky romance, but not for a long, long while since Dib has a long way to be before he fully snaps.

I think this story and my "Sasuke the Homicidal Maniac" story will be updated quite frequently depending on if the fanbase holds. Anyway! I hope you guys' enjoyed what you read and feel inclined to leave me a review. Thank you!


	2. Chapter 2

"Aliens Don't Exist"

'Chapter Two'

Dib had made it home; the psychiatrist's office was only about forty-five minutes away in walking distance. Dib didn't yet have a car, though he was saving up money, he was well on his way to living an independent life from his father's home.

Gaz was already in college; she had graduated early and took the first chance she got to get out of the house and into the dorms.

Dib didn't miss her; but his father did.

Dib slowly made his way up the stairs, taking it one step at a time, almost not wanting to make it to his room. He dragged his feet as he neared his door, grabbing the handle and finally wrenching it open at a painfully slow pace.

A clawed hand immediately grabbed the door, yanking it the rest of the way open before Dib even had a chance to think. "What took you so long human?" Zim spat, folding his arms as he stood in the wake of Dib's door.

Dib groaned, running a hand through his messy hair and trying to look anywhere but at Zim's fake blue-purple eyes. "You know you don't need a disguise Zim."

"Lies!" Zim shouted in his usual dramatic way, "Your just trying to trick me so I drop my guard. It won't happen foolish earth-monkey; I'm not falling for your tricks."

"It's not a trick." Dib said, not really in the mood for arguing, he felt rather drained. "Your not real, remember?"

Zim waved his hand, "Zim is real, very real, so very very _real_."

"Do you even know what your saying?"

"Do you?" Zim countered, frowning at the taller male.

"I visited my psychiatrist today—"

"Zim knows all!"

Dib rolled his eyes, "Just move." He said, the Irken actually complying, shutting the door behind the human as Dib moved over to the bed and just flopped right down on it. He lay on his stomach, limbs spread out, his face buried in the mattress.

Zim walked over to the bed, sitting on the edge of it, his hip near Dib's head. "What were you saying?" Zim asked tilting his head, his clawed hand reaching over to play with the scythe lock on Dib's head – it had grown longer in age and crooked near the end, looking akin to a lightening bolt.

"I thought you know all?"

Zim frowned, yanking on Dib's hair, "Don't mock me stupid human."

"Stop it." Dib grumbled into the bed he was still squished in before he finally turned his head to the side, looking up at the alien with bored honey-colored eyes. "This is stupid. This whole thing is stupid!"

"What is?"

"You!"

"Zim is not stupid!" He yelled back, his non-existent brows furrowing, "What is wrong with you Dib-thing? Did that mental human drone turn your brain to mush?" Zim's tone turned demanding, his claws still wrapped around the human's odd shaped lock of hair.

"Your not real Zim!" Dib perked up on his hands, trying to right himself, brushing Zim's hand away from his hair. "Don't you understand that? Your not real!"

Zim kept his frown, his hands on his knees, his whole posture looking hostile. "You always say that when you come back from _them_."

"It's true."

"It's not."

"It is." Dib said, trying to hold conviction but his tone was wavering.

"It's not!" Zim shouted in defiance, "Why do you always _believe_ them? You don't trust Zim?"

"How can I trust something that isn't real?"

"The filthy humans are just messing with your brain meats." Zim said, "Don't believe them."

"Why not?" Dib countered, "I should believe you? The alien? The enemy?"

Zim lifted his chin in an arrogant posture, glaring down at the boy, "You used to."

Dib was quiet a moment, trying to pretend he didn't hear the hurt in Zim's tone. The alien always tried to hide his feelings under anger and arrogance; but it had been years, Dib could see through him now and sometimes he wished he couldn't. "I can't."

"Can't?" Zim asked, his fake eyes glaring intently at Dib's face.

"It's not normal Zim."

"Normal?" Zim scoffed, "When have you ever believed in normal?"

Dib bit the inside of his lip, looking over to his window, his pose similar to Zim's – legs crossed, hands on his knees. "I have to."

"Who says?"

Dib was silent.

"Those mental drones?" Zim scoffed, "They know nothing!"

"They know you aren't real."

"I'm real."

"You aren't."

"I am."

"Zim, don't do this today, not today." Dib bowed his head, looking to the space between them, staring intently at the planets and solar systems that decorated his childish comforter.

"When do you leave again?" Zim asked his tone still high-and-mighty but something was softened at the edges of it.

"Tuesday."

Zim kept his frown, trying to think of things to say to the distressed human, he came up blank. Emotions really weren't his thing.

"If your real," Dib started, "Why can no one else see you?"

"We've been over this." Zim rolled his eyes, "Why do you always ask these things when you come back from them? It's annoying."

"Humor me."

Zim glanced to the human, taking in the flat tone he used before he made an annoyed noise in the back of his throat. "It's a cloaking device." Zim said simply, "Basic Irken technology."

"Why don't you ever come with me when I go?"

"Because it's stupid and I don't want to go."

"But you never come, ever." Dib said, looking to Zim who didn't seem too inclined to comfort him. But, well, Zim never really comforted him – if Dib got too whiny Zim gave him something to be whiny about.

"It's stupid." Zim said again, "Next question."

"Why don't you ever take the cloaking device off?"

Zim shrugged, "Because."

"You always wear your disguise in the day but you never take the cloaking device off. It makes no sense!"

"It makes perfect sense."

"No, Zim, it really doesn't." Dib said, his tone hardening as his emotions ran high. "I'm sick of being crazy, I hate it!"

"Your not crazy."

"Your not _real_!"

Zim was upon Dib in an instant, his claws grabbing the front of Dib's coat, yanking him hard to his face, the hostile Irken perching before him. "Stop saying that! Stop it!"

Dib's eyes were wide, staring up at the alien, his hands braced on Zim's chest as the alien kept him in his vice-like grip. "Zim—"

"I hate when you fucking say that you filthy Earth _thing_." Zim hissed.

Dib swallowed thickly, staring up at Zim's angry fake eyes, "I can't believe you."

Zim punched Dib – hard; sending the human flying to the side, the earth boy holding his hand to his sore cheek, his glasses had fell somewhere. Dib tried to gain some composure, feeling the floor for his glasses though just as his fingers touched the frames they were wrenched out of his hand. "Zim doesn't trust you." The Irken said in a low tone, as if he didn't want to admit such things.

Dib remained on the floor, setting on his knees, his fingers falling from the sore area of his face – knowing it was going to bruise. Dib was quiet, staring at the blurry outline of Zim.

The Irken looked down to the nearly blind human, his arms folded, Dib's precious seeing lenses held firm in his left hand. "I won't come to the stupid meeting and I won't take off my cloaking device because I don't trust you."

"Why now?" Dib murmured, "School was real wasn't it? You were there weren't you?"

"Of course I was."

"There's no pictures."

"Of course not!" Zim hissed, "You think I'd be so foolish as to allow myself to be filmed?"

"Your in your disguise."

"I can't be too careful." He said easily.

"Your in your disguise now, but your under a cloaking device. No one's home but me, why aren't you taking it off now?"

"I don't trust you." As if that explained everything.

"Why?"

"You're my enemy."

"Aren't I more than that?" Dib demanded, glaring up at the alien.

"It doesn't matter does it?" Zim hissed with equal vengeance, "You don't trust me either."

Point taken.

Dib was quiet, losing his edge he continued to just wordlessly glare up at the fuzzy shape of Zim.

"Your not crazy." Zim offered again, slowly kneeling down in front of Dib.

Dib shifted, getting a little more comfortable on the floor, not as tense now that he didn't suspect Zim was going to hit him again. "You say that."

"You should believe in me," Zim said a little awkwardly, "Believe in your species' demise."

"Your not going to rule the planet Zim, I'm not going to let you."

Zim grinned that wicked grin of his, reaching forward and Dib flinched as if expecting another hostile move, but instead the Irken just replaced his glasses, allowing the boy to see again. "Good."

Dib looked to Zim who was rather close; never really trusting the alien to get so close to him. "Good?"

"You still believe in something other than the lies the humans feed you."

"I don't know if I do."

Zim leaned forward, his hands on either side of Dib's hips, his face inches from the human's his fake eyes narrowed as he stared up at the human's bright eyes. "You do."

"Don't tell me what I think."

"Everyone else does," Zim said, "Why can't I?"

Dib was quiet a moment, not yet moving away from his rival, "I hate all of this."

"All of what?" Zim asked as if forgetting the entire conversation before.

"Everything," Dib said in exasperation, "If what your saying is true then I'm not crazy, but if what your saying isn't true than I am crazy." Dib leaned his head back, exposing his throat as he closed his eyes, feeling defeated. "This is just so annoying and difficult. I don't know what to think."

"I know what you want to think." Zim said in a low purr, his snake-like tongue tasting the tender flesh of Dib's jugular.

"Stop." Dib said, about to wrench his head back forward when Zim's hand grabbed the back of his head – forcing him to stay where he was. The Irken remained between the human's legs, Dib's one hand gripping hard at his hip the other still holding against the floor for balance.

"You want to believe I'm real." Zim said simply, his zipper-like teeth nipping roughly at the hollow of the human's neck.

Dib groaned, his eyes fluttering shut. "Stop." His voice was weaker now; his hand not as firm on Zim's hipbone.

"You want to believe _this_ is real," Zim murmured against the moist skin, trailing his teeth to the curve of Dib's jaw, "You want to believe you have at least one person who doesn't think your crazy."

Dib gasped as he felt Zim's teeth nipping under his jaw, feeling the claws firm in his hair, "Nn…Zim, how can I believe all that?"

"You can." Zim said firmly, letting his head hover in Dib's view, forcing the human to look at him, "You do."

"But everyone—"

"Everyone doesn't matter." Zim said simply, "They're all going to be dead and gone before you even know."

"No," Dib swallowed hard, feeling Zim's free hand begin to travel up his shirt. "I'm going to—"

"Stop me?" Zim grinned, his claws raking up Dib's side causing the human to shudder, "You can't even stop me from doing _this_ right now."

"Zim—" Dib gasped as he felt Zim's claws roam along his flesh, his legs unconsciously parting as the alien sunk easily between them.

Zim pushed Dib back on the ground, the human offering little resistance. The Irken forced Dib out of his coat, then took off Dib's shirt, exposing his pale torso, grinning at the sight of the scars that marred his thin body. All these scars were made by him. Zim traced them idly, his fake eyes glancing to Dib's flushed face as the boy continued to make little noises, his protests moot."Mine." Zim said in a low possessive tone, his head leaning down as he nipped along Dib's collar bone.

Dib arched, his hands finding home on Zim's shoulders weakly trying to push the alien away. "I—You—Stop—" He was talking in gibberish as he felt Zim's free hand yank away his belt feeling the gloved hand brush against his quickly hardening self and despite it all he rocked his hips up into that alien hand.

This was wrong.

This wasn't real.

They needed to stop.

Zim kept his grin, lips roaming to Dib's neck as he sucked hard on the skin he found, creating dark bruises.

Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop.

Sirens were buzzing in Dib's head.

He couldn't let this happen, not again. It happened way too often, this, whatever this was. Sex. This was sex, this was going to be sex, it always was.

Zim didn't care about him.

Dib didn't care about Zim.

It just happened.

Or, could it be happening?

No, no it couldn't.

Because… because…

Zim wasn't real.

"Your not real!" Dib managed to gasp, biting back a moan as Zim's hand clenched tight on his member.

Zim bit hard on Dib's neck, drawing blood, making the boy scream. Zim growled as his alien tongue licked up the crimson fluid, tasting the unique metallic flavor as he glared up at the human's profile.

"Nnaa…sss..tt…" Dib whimpered softly, feeling those teeth still on his skin, pain rushing through washing with pleasure and causing his hips to jerk wanting Zim to continue but his mind was screaming for him to stop.

Zim perched on one hand, glaring down to the human who was looking up at him with half-lidded honey-colored eyes. Zim saw pain in them, could smell the bit of fear mixed with the human's need. "I'm real," Zim said again in a low flat tone, finally starting to feel the boy again; to pump him. Dib gasped and Zim smirked, "This is real, I'm real, your real." Zim murmured, "Stop being so crazy." He said with mirth, leaning down as he traced Dib's lower lip with his tongue, "Just let things happen."

"Zim…" Dib said trying to protest but thoughts were escaping him, words unable to process. All he could focus on was Zim and what he was doing to his body and how he looked; those bright blue-purple eyes filled with a feral want and sick possession.

He hated this.

He wanted to hate this.

Zim turned him on so much, and it was… it was so wrong.

Gods.

He really was insane wasn't he?

"You talk too much," Zim said simply, "All Zim wants to hear is you screaming."

--

A/N:

Ugh. I know. Everyone hates me. But, I couldn't do it. I tried and tried and I failed so badly at writing a lemon. So, this is as far as it goes. I'm okay with sexual situations but full blown lemons just seem to escape me. I hope everyone is still liking the story. Maybe there might be something complete later, but yeah, we'll see.

I hope everyone is still interested.

Next chapter is going to be fun. I hope everyone is still with me. Leave me a review if you liked it. Kthx.


	3. Chapter 3

"Aliens Don't Exist"

'Chapter Three'

Dib had started to rouse awake.

He didn't know what time it was, or why his curtains had been pulled back or why there was a breeze in his room or why the sun was so fucking bright it hurt.

He didn't know much of anything.

He groaned, groping the night stand for his glasses and putting them on so the world around him weren't just blobs of unknown color. He perched himself up in bed, slowly sitting up and finding his body to be entirely too sore. He ran a hand through his hair, trying to wake himself up, trying to make sense of something.

He went to the psychiatrist that day.

He had came home.

Zim had been in his room.

He usually was in his room.

Then, then he remembered the conversation, remembered the sensations, remembered his own weak protests and the pain mixed with that perverse pleasure. He remembered feeling claws rake on his skin, felt teeth on his neck and felt the tell tale burn when the alien had penetrated him.

"Fuck!" Dib spat, banging his head back into the head board of his bed, his eyes clenched shut, not caring when pain exploded in his head and made him feel dizzy.

It was a welcomed escape.

He didn't want to think.

But, he didn't have to think.

The signs were there; the burn in his lower spine, the bite of the claws, the feel of bruises on his neck and arms. It was all there, telling him it happened again, that he had been possessed by Zim.

Sex.

They had sex again.

They always had sex.

This wasn't healthy, it really wasn't.

Zim wasn't real.

All in his head.

It was all in his head.

"Then why do I hurt?" He said to no one in particular, his habit of talking to himself really hadn't died in his youth. "Why do I have cuts? Bruises? Why?!" He glared down at his lap where his hands rested; he saw the raw red marks along his wrists.

Dib was quiet a long moment, just listening to the birds outside, listening as the wind swept through his thin curtains and ruffled the papers on his desk. It had to be sometime in the afternoon, it was getting darker outside, the orange shadow of the sun high-lighting his room.

It was then he really understood that the window was open.

He tilted his to it, just staring at it blankly. Not really understanding why it was open, why there would be any reason for it to be open. Whatever. It didn't matter did it? Dib reached up and shut it, knowing locks wouldn't keep Zim out so it didn't matter whether he locked it or not.

He started to get up, pushing the covers away as he groped the floor for his boxers. He tugged them on, trying to ignore the pain in his body, trying to ignore the flood of feelings brewing inside of him.

He was crazy.

He was really just fucking nuts.

This wasn't what happened to normal people.

They didn't have sex with aliens.

Aliens that didn't exist.

Dib really needed to stop thinking; it wasn't helping his self-esteem.

He bent for his coat, his shirt, his pants, throwing them on the bed before he walked to his dresser to fish out something clean. He hadn't expected when the door burst open, the human teenager pressed hard against his dresser, his eyes wild – clearly not expecting the event at all.

"Son!"

Dib's heart hammered hard in his chest, trying to find composure, unable to really hide himself and just having to deal with the embarrassment of being half-naked in front of his father. His cheeks burned and he glared slightly at the older man, "Dad, please, do you mind?" He said as evenly as possible.

Professor Membrane looked to his son through his opaque goggles, staring at him a long moment as if seeing him for the first time. Dib couldn't tell his father's expression from the high-collar lab coat as well as those goggles but he was definitely aware of the eyes on him. "Son what happened?" He asked, his tone low, concerned almost as he closed the gap between them, grabbing his son's arm with his gloved hand.

Dib couldn't get away, feeling worse than ever, "Nothing!"

"Zim."

It wasn't a question.

Dib looked shamed.

"This needs to stop." He said sternly, "My poor insane son! I should have noticed the signs earlier! I should have made a cure long before now!"

"Dad it's—" Dib started but the professor continued.

"Don't worry! I'm working on a cure, if those psychiatrists can't fix you, I know I will!"

Dib frowned, looking away towards his bed, not fighting his father's hold any longer.

Broken.

He was just a broken experiment.

Professor Membrane just had to fix him, he was a liability to his name, Dib had to be fixed. Dib was a living failure and the professor just couldn't have that, now could he?

Dib was a direct clone.

It was a shame he had a screwed up psyche.

"You should treat those cuts of yours, infection isn't a good thing." He said matter-of-factly, "Meet me downstairs for toast! We'll discuss your visit to the psychiatrist." He let go of Dib, the lanky child collapsing against his bed as his bedroom door shut.

Dib knew there was no time for self-pity.

No time to dwell on his horrible existence.

He still didn't know what was right, what was wrong, whether Zim was real or fake.

He was still a mess, still broken, still un-fixable because he just wouldn't give in.

Dib was so determined, he always had been, but this determination was getting tiring. He almost just wanted to give up, wanted to just lay down and let the world tell him what was right and wrong. He wanted his father to find the cure, to experiment on him, to fix him, to make Zim go away.

But then that stupid part of him didn't want Zim to go away.

That stupid part of him thought the alien was real.

But, then again, he was covered in bruises and cuts and everything felt just a little too real to be fake.

That had to be what was keeping him from giving in.

It had to be.

He had to prove Zim was real.

Because if he wasn't real, why could everyone else see these cuts and bruises?

Dib decided he had enough thought for one day and walked back to his dresser, taking out a plain black shirt and dark blue acid wash jeans. He tugged on the shirt, pulled up the pants, not bothered with socks or his coat knowing he probably wasn't going anywhere.

He started down the steps, walking towards the kitchen where he smelled toast. He frowned to himself, hands in his pockets as he walked to the kitchen table and sat down in his usual chair.

It was then he noticed…

Zim was in the kitchen.

Dib stared, gawked more like as he just pin-pointed on the green alien sitting on the counter next to the toaster.

Zim grinned at him, flashing all his razor-sharp teeth as he munched casually on a donut.

"God damn it Zim, I don't need this right now." Dib hissed, glaring hard at the alien.

"Did you say something son?"

"Yeah Dib, did you say something?" Zim kept his grin, still on the counter, Dib's father oblivious as he jellied their toast.

"No." Dib swallowed, trying to remain calm, trying to ignore the fact that Zim was baiting him on purpose.

He wasn't going to look insane.

Not right now.

He couldn't make him.

Professor Membrane took a seat opposite his child, a plate of toast between them. "How was your visit to the psychiatrist?" He asked in his usual tone, absently taking a sip of his coffee.

"Fine." Dib murmured softly, "Nothing I didn't already know."

"Oh?"

"She might add more pills."

"That's good."

Dib sighed, staring at a spot on the table, only half-aware when Zim got off the counter and walked over to him, felt the alien's hand on his shoulder and it made him flinch. "Stop it." He said softly, under his breath, his father hadn't heard.

"Stop what?" Zim grinned, leaning over Dib's shoulder, right next to his ear.

"Stop it."

"Son?"

Dib started, looking to his father, trying to focus, trying to pretend he didn't feel the breath on his ear. "Yeah?"

"Did you hear me?"

"No."

"Is your hearing going?" Professor Membrane asked dramatically, "I can cure that!"

"No," Dib flushed, "My hearing is just fine, really."

"What new pills?"

"She thinks Zim is a figment of my imagination."

"Lies!"

Dib ignored the shout next to his ear, resisting the urge to glare at the stupid alien, "She thinks I just created him sometime when I was younger to improve my self worth or something."

"Sounds possible."

"Yeah." Dib murmured, defeated, poking at his toast.

"I don't like that you mutilate yourself." His father said seriously, "It's not healthy."

Dib resisted the urge to laugh, this entire situation wasn't healthy.

He wasn't mutilating himself.

…probably.

Zim's claws toyed with the base of Dib's neck, the human was trying to ignore it but it was getting difficult.

"Hey," Dib started, his eyes on his father, "Could you take some pictures of me?" He said quickly, "The psychiatrist wanted some photos if I got more cuts and bruises."

"I see."

"Could you?"

"Yes." The professor said simply, getting out of his seat and pointing towards his lab, "To the lab!"

Dib didn't think he needed to go to the lab to take pictures, but he wasn't going to complain. His father went ahead of him, Dib pushing away from the table and starting after the man.

Zim was in tow.

"Go away Zim." He said in a low tone, his eyes still on his father.

"Never!" Zim exclaimed, grabbing Dib's hand the human for sake of appearing normal didn't wrench it out of the alien's grip like he might've before. "This is too much fun."

"Glad that you think my plight of being crazy is fun."

"That's the thing," Zim grinned, walking down the hall with the humans, "You aren't crazy, so this is all highly amusing, I don't see why you don't get the humor."

"You," Dib faltered, "You might not be real."

"_Might._" Zim kept his grin, "Key word there human. You have a choice you know, you can bet on me and not being crazy or bet on them and be crazy." Zim said in a serious tone, "But understand, I am going to destroy the entire human race. Would you like to be another annihilated human, or would you like to be the sole survivor of the planet?"

Dib wanted to be neither.

But if those were his only choices.

Once upon a time Dib wanted to save the planet, the human race.

Now he was thinking that story was over, that a new one was beginning.

"This way." His father opened the door for him, allowing them passage into the brightly lit lab.

Dib glanced to Zim, an understanding between them, the alien still grinning like the mad man he was.

Zim knew something he didn't.

--

A/N:

Another chapter down. It's an okay chapter I think. Dib is starting to side with his crazy self, haha. So, who knows what is to come next? Is Zim really not real? Tell me what you think! I was hoping no one will really get what's going to happen; I want it all to be a surprise every chapter.

It gets real fun, it does. Please leave a review and tell me what you think.


	4. Chapter 4

"Aliens Don't Exist"

'Chapter Four'

It had been a long week.

A very long, long week.

Dib couldn't get any information out of Zim.

That aside, the alien had been avoiding him, going out all night and just leaving him alone to think.

Dib didn't like thinking. Thinking hurt, thinking made him remember he was crazy and that none of this was probably real at all.

He hadn't actually seen Zim since last Tuesday. He was probably off somewhere plotting or something, but the alien normally came back. Usually to boast about his big new plan, normally he saw him at least a few times even if he did go off all hours and leave him alone like he did.

It was kind of unusual.

Dib almost was starting to feel worry.

He knew he shouldn't worry. It was stupid and pointless.

Zim was just busy doing alien-things or whatever.

Ugh.

Was he really having this thought process?

Zim wasn't real.

Not real, not real, not real.

He really needed to get that through to himself.

He kept trying to repeat it over and over, pounding it into his brain but it just wouldn't click. No matter how many pills he took or how long he ignored the alien, he just couldn't fully believe that his nemesis wasn't real.

He didn't know why.

It just was how it is.

It was hard to explain, which is why he had so much trouble with this. It was rather annoying.

"Dib?"

Dib looked up when she addressed him, snapping him out of his thoughts. "Yeah?" He murmured in an almost tired tone.

She looked down at him, her legs crossed as usual, her pen scribbling on the notepad resting on her knees. "What were you thinking about?"

"I wasn't," He stared off at the wall to his left trying to purge all thought from his mind, "I wasn't thinking of anything."

"Now Dib," Ms. Bueller smiled but it didn't reach her eyes, "The point of these sessions is to be honest. By being honest we can work to fix your issues."

Issues.

Dib didn't like that word.

Dib didn't like being crazy.

She continued to eye him, "Now, would you please tell me what you were thinking?"

He sighed removing his glasses and pinching the bridge of his nose. He had to just let it out, had to talk, had to channel all this thought somewhere. His dad was paying her to listen to him; he may as well just talk. "Zim's been avoiding me."

"Avoiding you?" She wrote something else down, "How?"

"I haven't seen him in a few days." He said flatly.

"How long exactly?" She almost sounded hopeful.

"Since last Tuesday." He murmured, pausing to think on it but he knew he hadn't seen the alien since he shot the pictures. "A week." He confirmed.

"Have you taken your new pills?"

"Yes."

She was silent a moment, "Do you think they're working?"

Dib didn't think of that. He almost forgot his new medication; he just took the pills that were in the day boxes.

It was strange.

When Zim left like this, he normally left notes, or stopped by, or something to show he was still there and still a formidable force in his life.

But this time…

This time, Zim was just gone.

Gone.

"I don't know." He finally concluded unsure why he felt so much dread in the pit of his stomach or why his heart started to increase its beats.

He should be happy.

Happy that he was getting fixed.

These were the steps he had to take to normal.

No Zim meant he was no longer crazy.

It was a good thing.

"You don't sound sure." Ms. Bueller mused, "What's on your mind?"

"Nothing." Dib said automatically.

"Dib," She paused staring at him with hard eyes, "You can be honest with me."

Dib swallowed thickly, his hands setting on his knees, his glasses still perched in one hand. "I don't think he's gone."

"Why so?"

Dib avoided looking at her, "I just don't."

"You said you haven't seen him since last week."

"He was acting like he knew something I didn't." His palms were sweating, "He said he wears a cloaking device normally so no one can see him." He said quickly as if that was even relevant.

"No one," She wrote something else down, "But you."

He bit the inside of his lip, "It's a cloaking device."

"Which means he shouldn't be seen by anyone." She murmured.

"It's alien technology."

"Don't make excuses."

Dib looked to her blurry shape, "What?"

She wasn't smiling as usual, her hands folded on her knees, "You say he says these things but they don't make sense."

"Zim doesn't normally make too much sense." He said, trying to defend the alien.

She ignored his outburst, "If you step back and look at the situation, put yourself in my shoes for example, you'd understand that what he says doesn't make sense. This cloaking device excuse doesn't account for why you can see him. That aside, why you?"

"I," Dib faltered, "I believe in the paranormal, in aliens."

"Yes." She said softly, "You've said that before. But, still, Zim should be tangible to others if he was indeed real. A cloaking device wouldn't make someone invisible to touch." She set her note pad on her desk along with her shiny blue pen before turning back to the boy, "Haven't you seen Zim around in his cloaking device interacting with things in your house, or perhaps walking with you somewhere, or maybe when you two have fights?"

"Yes."

"Was any furniture bothered by the two of you? Or, rather, Zim in particular? Do you remember?" She tucked a coil of blonde hair behind her ear, "Has there been anything he has done in the presence of you and someone else that someone else noticed?"

Dib took a moment to think, knowing there had been plenty of instances where they had fought in public but he couldn't remember if Zim bothered things or if he had. They threw each other at things a lot, and Dib could remember crashing into things quite a bit but couldn't honestly remember if Zim caused anything to break or fall. "He normally uses his metal legs when he gets hit off balance." He murmured almost to himself still picking through his consciousness for some plausible memory.

"Metal legs?"

"He has this back-pack like thing on his back that has these metal legs in it. Kind of like a spider's legs." He said this in a rush, just trying to get the simple fact out there, still feeling a little reserved for talking openly because everything he said only damned himself further.

She nodded slightly though didn't show much understanding but didn't care to pry further on the subject, "Do you remember anything?" She asked again.

"Donut" Dib nearly shouted, his glasses once more placed on his nose and granting himself sight. "He was, he was eating a donut last Tuesday. Sitting on the counter of the kitchen when dad was around."

"Did your father see him eating?"

"No." Dib murmured looking a little defeated.

"If it was a cloaking device, the donut wouldn't be cloaked. Someone would have seen."

Dib was quiet a moment, trying to think back and remembering that Zim indeed was sitting on the counter in plain sight, munching on a donut His father would have seen if that were the case then, sort of like a ghost affect or Dib would think so anyway. He bit the inside of his lip again – a nervous habit as he tried to think of an explanation for why that would have happened – for what his dad might've seen or might not have seen. He was coming up blank. "Alien technology."

"Excuses." She chided.

"But it could be something more advanced, it could have done it." He tried to offer but he knew he had already lost steam, that it had already been de-bunked and maybe Zim really just wasn't real.

"My job is to merely help you better understand your situation." She murmured, "I'm analyzing, I'm trying to help. But, you have to help me too."

"But," Dib just couldn't grasp the concept that he was just nuts. Couldn't grasp that the alien, the bulk of his childhood memories and beyond was just a figment of his over-active imagination. He just, he just didn't want it to really be true.

Did the pills just really fix the problem?

Did he just have schizophrenia and that was it?

"He had that look he gets when he's plotting something." He said quickly, "He leaves sometimes like this, that's not unusual. I bet he's just plotting somewhere and he lost track of the days. He'll come back; I'll stop him like I always do. I'll save everyone even though everyone thinks I'm crazy."

Dib had that look in his eyes – that wild almost crazed look.

She recognized that look, she had seen it before. He got that way when he felt cornered or judged. Dib had never been violent to her before, or to anyone else that she knew of aside from Zim so she didn't feel fear. "Do you want him to come back?" She asked calmly.

Dib looked agitated, his wild honey-colored eyes snapping to her as if he momentarily forgot where he was, "What?"

She smiled that fake smile of hers, "Do you want him to come back?"

Dib was quiet as if trying to think of the proper answer – but his lack of response ultimately gave her the answer she was looking for.

"You do want him to come back."

"It's not about want—"

"He's still very real to you."

"I don't know."

"Maybe you need a higher dose of medication." She mused aloud, "Perhaps I'll give some more prescriptions to your father."

Dib leaned back into the couch trying not to feel upset but that's how he felt. He was just so out of sorts and he was getting so pissed off with the whole situation. He just wished Zim could give him real answers, wished he would take that cloaking device off and show him that he was real – show the world he was real. Just, something, anything, it was just so hard living like this.

What was he supposed to believe?

Zim says to trust him, but then he leaves.

Leaves for a whole week.

What was he supposed to do?

Fuck.

Dib felt a break down coming and he tried to swallow it back, his eyes misting, his body starting to feel hot.

"What if he doesn't come back?" The woman asked, "What if that was the last time you saw him?"

God.

He didn't need this question right now.

Dib leaned over, doubled over almost as he took in shaky breaths. He needed to keep calm. "I don't know." He said nervously.

"If these pills are working and he doesn't come back," She continued to eye him, noticing his posture. He was trying to close in on himself, shut himself down. "You could live a normal life. Don't you want that?"

Normal.

That was the whole point of all this.

That was what he should want.

Dib had been with Zim almost half his life by now. To think of him actually not in it was hard to fathom. Even if he wasn't real, just having him here, it was some sort of comfort zone and Dib didn't know if he was ready to leave it. Or, if he had already left it by taking those pills, he just didn't know what he was feeling. He was all mixed up, he really was having difficulties but he was trying his hardest to hide it.

"Have you ever thought of suicide before?"

Dib looked up, his brows furrowing, "What?"

"Suicide." She murmured, "I'm just curious. Some of those pills tend to increase depression sometimes and also if getting rid of Zim is hard for you, I was just curious if you have ever had those thoughts."

"No." He said softly looking back towards the wall, "I've never thought of killing myself."

"That's good."

"Can we," He sighed, "Can we skip to something else now?"

"Sure." She said gently, reaching to the photographs on her desk, "Why don't we address these pictures, hm?"

Dib nodded slightly to her, slowly bringing his eyes back on her.

She looked down to the pictures as she arranged them on her note pad. Silence drew out between them as she scrutinized each shot. "Those scratches look thin." She murmured aloud flicking her eyes to Dib.

"He has claws." He offered in a flat tone, still dwelling on the previous conversation, it was hard for him to transition to something else.

"Yes." She said simply, "They almost look like cat scratches."

_Or razor cuts._

Dib knew she wanted to say that, maybe it was why she asked about suicide. Zim didn't normally cut too deep, superficial cuts normally unless he was particularly mad and he normally didn't get so mad with his claws. He'd punch if he was really upset over something, or throw him, things like that.

"These bruises." She said softly, "You have them on your neck and back mainly."

"Zim throws me into things."

"How did you get them on your neck?"

Dib avoided her eyes, getting nervous again, jittery. "They're," He swallowed, "Hickeys."

She stared at him a long moment almost losing her composure because she wasn't entirely expecting his answer. "Hickeys?" She asked, "Are you seeing someone? You haven't mentioned—"

Dib cut her off, "They're from Zim."

The blonde woman let her eyes fall back on the photos, her tone reserved, "I see."

Dib laughed his harsh humorless laugh, "I know I'm crazy."

"That's not what's I'm trying to say here."

"It's what you're thinking."

"Dib." She said firmly looking at him. "I'm trying to help you."

"Help me not be crazy."

"Dib—"

"I know it alright?" He said in an elevated tone, "I see this alien that no one else sees. I get beat up by this imaginary force. I even get fucked by him." He snapped, "That's what you want me to say isn't it? It's why you look at me that way. How can I have hickeys from something that isn't real? How can I have bruises? How can I have scratches?!" He was near shouting now, "Something is going on! I want to know what's going on! Is something horribly wrong with me? Or is there something wrong with everyone else? Huh?!"

Ms. Bueller tried not to be deterred by Dib's outburst, keeping herself calm as Dib looked like he was becoming fully unglued. "I'm just analyzing." She said in a gentle almost coaxing tone, "I don't think you're crazy. I'm merely trying to help. You do have some issues we're addressing. This alien for instance, these cuts, these bruises. We can fix this."

Fix.

He was just a broken experiment.

Nothing more.

Dib growled in the back of his throat running his hand roughly through his hair.

"You might be having more delusions than you are aware of." She murmured, "Perhaps you are seeing someone, but you are seeing that someone as Zim." She paused just watching the brunette, "Maybe there are more people in your life than you know."

Dib scoffed, "That sounds insane."

"It might be happening." She said, "You come home with bruises, scratches, hickeys. You don't know what's going on except what your brain perceives for you. Your brain is having difficulties; you are having trouble figuring out what's real and what isn't. It's highly possible since your perception is so skewed that you are molding the world to your own tastes so to speak."

"So I might know people I'm not aware of? I might be seeing someone that fucks me most every night and not know it?"

She cleared her throat, "You don't need to use such a vulgar word. I'm not trying to demoralize you or anything."

"It's what it is." Dib murmured, "Why should I say it any different?"

"You don't love Zim then?"

Dib stared at her like she was insane, "What kind of question is that? Am I in love with the imaginary thing in my head? No. No I'm not in love with him or anyone else."

"Zim is real to you." She pointed out.

Dib was quiet.

"Why do you let him do that then?" She was pushing the subject in a different direction because Dib wasn't ready to see the situation differently – not yet.

Dib saw Zim as tangible and real.

Dib didn't have any friends or other contacts; as far as he was aware so speaking of them, or attempting to tell him there might be other people he did see and interact with wouldn't make sense to him.

Ms. Bueller just had to bide her time, watch the medication take affect and when he was more lucid to the world she could start addressing the problem differently.

"I don't let him do anything."

"It's rape then?"

Dib shrugged, once again uncomfortable and showing it in his body language.

She set the stack of photos on the desk, once again picking up her pen and note book and beginning to jot down this and that. "If it isn't consensual than its rape."

She ignored the fact that Zim was an alien, that he didn't exist. She needed to just feed to Dib's delusions, at least right now to keep him calm and mildly level.

"I don't know."

"Do you want him to do what he does?"

"I'm not comfortable with this."

"Dib," She said in a firm tone, "We have to address something. You didn't want to speak about what could be happening in the world around you, you might be unaware of. So, I'm merely asking about something you are aware of and say happens quite a bit. You brought me these photos so I could ask about them, so I would like to discuss them."

"They were supposed to make you believe me."

"How?"

"The bruises, the cuts, the hickeys." He flushed, "They were supposed to show you he's real."

"I told you my theory on the subject." She said flatly, "I don't believe this alien of yours is real."

"No one does." He stared at his lap, his hands braced on the couch.

"The pills are probably working now." She offered, "You have schizophrenia." She said softly, "It seems very real, but it isn't. Also, you have an issue with your perception of reality."

"I'm crazy." He interjected.

"I never said crazy." She chided, "Lots of people come in here with problems. I offer solutions to these problems, just like I'm doing to you now. You aren't crazy. Just ill, like anyone contracting an illness I offer medicine to fix it." She explained, "It's a common occurrence, you aren't crazy."

Just broken.

Broken, but he had the ability to be fixed.

The problem now was that he didn't want to be fixed.

Or, he didn't think he did.

He just didn't know what he really wanted and now that things might be working, that it might be happening, Dib was getting scared of it.

It was so strange and unusual.

He wasn't used to this.

Wasn't used to having Zim not be around.

She glanced to her watch then to Dib before she got out of her seat, "Our session is over for today."

Dib got off the couch almost automatically, stuffing his hands in his trench coat pockets, avoiding looking at her.

"See you next Tuesday?"

"Sure." He said as he shuffled to the door, intent on going home and forgetting about all this.

He needed a drink.

--

A/N:

I do like how this chapter came out. It's all over the place on purpose. The next one is going to be fun. Please leave me a review if you'd like to see what happens next.


	5. Chapter 5

"Aliens Don't Exist"

'Chapter Five'

It had been a few hours since Dib returned home.

His father wasn't there, probably wouldn't be until the end of the week. Dib had found the note attached to the fridge – he knew his dad was concerned about his 'condition' but work still came first, as it normally did.

He had to pay for all the pills and shrinks after all.

Dib hadn't really cared; he had been hoping to find the house empty.

Currently the lanky teenager was lying on the couch; empty beer bottles on the table which he had drank in an attempt to make himself stop thinking. It hadn't worked too well – he wished they had something stronger in the house but they didn't. His father wasn't really a drinker.

Dib's head had started to hurt, just throb slightly due to his excessive thoughts that seemed to get worse the more he drank. He hadn't taken his pills, he assumed a bit of the headache might be because of that too since his body was used to the affects of them by now.

He was feeling so many things; he didn't even know how to begin to figure anything out.

What about Zim?

This all wasn't real then, was it?

All his memories, everything, it was all fake and not real.

Dib groaned, pressing his hands against his eyes; his glasses had been discarded to the table earlier.

Ms. Bueller said he might be seeing someone else, might be seeing _real _people that he distorted into Zim somehow.

Dib didn't want that to be the case, didn't want that to make sense.

But then, what did he want? For the_ alien_ to be real?

Which was a more crazy theory?

His life was really fucking screwed up.

He didn't even know where to begin in all this mess.

"What am I going to do?" He murmured to himself, wishing he could hold onto the buzz of alcohol but it just wasn't working. Four beers just didn't do it for him and he was too young to go out and purchase anything himself. He slowly drew his hands away from his eyes, his head craned on the arm rest of the couch as he stared up at the ceiling. Everything was a fuzzy mess of dull colors; almost like ink splashed on wet paper but he didn't care to grab his glasses.

What was the point of seeing?

He knew he was in the house alone; there was nothing of interest to look at. He preferred being blind right now, it fit with his downed mood.

Alone.

The word passed through Dib's head slowly, painfully, causing his heart to twist. He was really alone now, wasn't he?

He'd be alone forever.

He turned onto his side, his body still stretched out as he pillowed his head against his arm, his eyes staring sightlessly in the direction of the blank TV. He wished he had the answers, wished he knew what was really going on, but maybe a piece of him did know.

Maybe he always knew.

He was just a kid with a hyper-active imagination back then, and now he was an adult with a mental illness he probably always suffered from that was just swept under the rug of youth.

He was just broken, messed up, crazy.

Emotions continued to wash over him in a flurry; pain, anguish, sadness, fear, he couldn't stop them, his body weakened from the day's events as well as his own mini drinking binge. Dib felt tears prick his eyes and he cursed, finally sitting up and wiping them harshly with his hands. "Fuck." His voice cracked, "Why is this happening?" He groaned to himself, unsure what to do with himself, unable to pull himself out of the slump he had fallen into.

Alone. Alone. Alone. Alone.

"Stop it!" He yelled at nothing; his mind taunting him with his inevitable future. He lashed out at the bottles on the table, the lot of them thrown. One smashed against the wall, the others thudded harshly across the floor.

Dib didn't seem aware of what he had just done, or what he was now doing as he got off the couch, kicking the coffee table over in rage and trying his damnedest to fight back the tears still wanting to fall.

Dib gave himself over to the raged frenzy, wanting to forget thought, forget everything. He lashed out at whatever he could find, yelling nonsense, the world still a mess of wet ink but he didn't care. He didn't have to see the destruction he was causing – he didn't want to see it, he just wanted it to happen.

He wanted everything to match how he felt inside.

--

His fit lasted a good hour before the youth found himself laying on the kitchen floor. He was subdued by the cool linoleum on his bare torso, his body spread out, his eyes half-lidded as they stared up at the grungy ceiling.

His hands hurt and so did his body from the exertion before. He had cuts on his hands he didn't feel like treating, the stinging pain reminding him he was still alive and that maybe he should do something about that little fact.

Suicide?

No.

Dib had never thought of that before.

He didn't feel like thinking about it right now when he was so close to probably just letting it happen.

The pleasant buzz was gone, his body felt tired and cold. He didn't want to sleep, he didn't want to move.

He just wanted to melt into the floor, wanted to disappear like Zim did.

Zim…

Dib pinched his eyes shut, tear tracks evident on his face, his brows furrowing from the effort to not let the pain consume him again.

There were a lot of things he hadn't admitted to the alien, hadn't admitted to himself and now Zim was just gone.

He wasn't coming back.

"God…" He choked, unable to fight it as the tears finally came.

Ms. Bueller had asked if he loved Zim.

Footsteps, Dib heard footsteps over his own sobs and he inhaled a breath and tried to pull himself off the kitchen floor.

What was it?

Dib blinked at the haze of darkness around him; he hadn't bothered to turn on any lights, not wanting to see but now he wished he had.

It was probably just his dad.

But, his dad normally announced when he came home, and he didn't think he'd be home so early.

That aside, had he heard a door open?

Dib only recalled hearing the steps, loud and deliberate but he didn't remember hearing the sound of the door opening.

Was it a burglar?

What a fitting end of the day that would be!

Dib used the wall for support as he picked himself up, squinting into the black around him and trying to pick out shapes of this and that but he couldn't place anything. He stumbled over discarded objects, over broken glass but he didn't feel it.

He still heard shuffling, movement; someone was in the living room.

Dib sniffled, trying to rid himself of the remnants of crying as he wiped his eyes with the back of his hand, smearing blood on his forehead. "Hello?" He tentatively called out into the darkness.

He saw a silhouette then, someone standing in the living room, holding something.

A gun?

Was it really a burglar?

What was he going to do?!

"What happened?"

Zim.

"Ah…" Dib was in shock, "Zim?! Is it really you?"

Zim walked over the broken table, reaching to turn on the lights before he turned to the human. "What did you do?" Zim asked, his tone actually annoyed as he looked to the male, taking in his figure and noticing the cuts on his hands. Zim frowned in distaste as he turned his fake blue eyes up to the taller teen, "You broke your sight things." He murmured not entirely interested in the glasses he extended to the human.

Dib didn't even know what was going on.

How was Zim here?

He had to be real then, right?

He had to be!

Zim had to have come back after his plotting and—

Then he remembered, almost like a shock to his brain and his elation died.

He hadn't taken his pills when he got home.

The affects of the ones he took earlier in the day must've worn off.

Zim were merely back because he hadn't taken his medication.

Dib swallowed thickly, wanting to break down all over again.

This was even worse than him being gone; this completely confirmed that he wasn't real.

"Dib-thing?" Zim spat, "What's wrong with you? Haven't you heard Zim?"

Dib felt oddly exposed, wishing he still had his shirt but knowing it would be stupid to try and find it when he couldn't see as it was. He bit the inside of his lip, "I heard." He said flatly, reaching in the direction of the alien to take his glasses back. He set them on his nose, the lenses cracked but the glass hadn't fallen through so he could still see.

He'd have to ask his father for another new pair of glasses.

He also had to clean the mess he made.

Broken lamps, broken table, broken bottles, he had even managed to destroy the TV.

Dib ran a hand through his hair; he would be in so much shit when his father got home.

Zim's fury mounted as Dib once again ignored him, not understanding why the human decided to be so annoying. Zim marched up to the male, slapping him across the face with not so much of a warning, "Answer!"

Dib felt the sting in his cheek, his gold eyes glaring hard at the alien wanting to yell about everything he had been going through but a part of him knew Zim wouldn't care. He'd tell him to suck up his worthless human emotions and feel honored that Zim had come over or something like that.

He'd act like this was normal.

This was supposed to be normal, but it wasn't.

He knew now this just wasn't real.

All of it.

It was just a grand illusion.

"I went to the psychiatrist today." Dib said his voice still thick with emotion. "What do you think happened?"

Zim ignored Dib's snap as he folded his arms over his chest, "Yes, yes, fascinating. Haven't you wondered where I have been? I've been making the most ingenious plan!" He grinned that wide grin of his.

Dib wanted to ask what it was, wanted to act normal, but he just couldn't. Dib didn't even know how to start explaining everything. His pills, he could take them and then he'd really know for sure. If he took them and Zim left, or just disappeared, then he would know for real. "Zim…"

Zim tilted his head, noticing the look of…of…hm, what was that look? Hurt, Dib looked hurt or in pain but Zim hadn't done anything yet. The alien remembered Dib's hands and without a word he grabbed the male's wrist and tugged him towards the kitchen.

Dib had a mind to wrench his hand away from Zim but he wanted contact; despite it all, he just wanted this to be real.

He was led to the table; taking a seat the alien took the first aid box from under the sink before he scooted a chair near Dib. The green-skinned creature rifled through the mess in the box, musing about this and that, talking about how stupid human healing things were. Zim took Dib's hand in his and started to disinfect; the alien very much hated germs and didn't want to think about them attacking his human from the inside after all, and then he applied the bandage. The process was repeated on Dib's other hand and Zim even had a mind to clean the blood from forehead where it smeared.

Silence had stretched between them; neither breaking it, the awkward air hanging around them before Zim finally moved to replace the box back under the sink and take a stance on the opposite side of the kitchen.

Zim didn't do kind things normally; nothing like that, so something had to be on the alien's mind as well.

Dib slowly brought his eyes to the brooding Irken, wanting to find the right words to say, wanting to lead into his current plight but unsure how. "Thanks." He offered.

Zim turned towards Dib, his arms still folded, his stance defensive despite there be nothing to defend against. "I don't like you going to those mental human drones." Zim murmured.

Dib folded his arms on the table, setting his head on them and closing his eyes. He didn't know what to do. "I know."

"Stop going to them."

"I can't."

"Why?"

"I have to."

Zim scoffed, "You don't _have_ to."

Dib had to go to be normal. He had to go and become a valued member of society. He had to do it for his father, for himself, so he could live a normal life. "I do." His voice was quiet.

Zim continued to stare at Dib, still looking displeased, "It's all pointless."

"No it isn't."

"It is." Zim waved his hand, "Soon the world will be under my control and you wasting all your time there is stupid."

"You won't control anything."

"I'm so close now!" Zim snapped, "So close! You don't even know what I have been planning!"

Dib squeezed his eyes shut again, taking in a shaky breath.

This wasn't real.

All of it wasn't real.

Someday he'd wake up from all this and Zim would be gone forever.

"It doesn't matter what you're planning." He tried to continue their little game, but his voice cracked.

He couldn't do this.

He didn't want to be here.

Zim slowly approached the human, looking down to his slumped figure, slowly placing his gloved hand on his head. His clawed fingers played with the lightening shaped strand of hair, twirling it between his digits, "It does matter." Zim said smoothly, "When I finish the preparations you won't have to worry about this planet, about being _normal_." He spat out the word 'normal' as if it were the vilest word he had to speak.

Dib felt Zim play with his hair but he didn't swat him away as usual, he let the alien do as he pleased as he tried to wrack his brain for how he should respond. He liked this illusion, he liked this contact, he wanted to believe the alien was real and that someday he'd destroy Earth and take him among the stars.

…but that was just another delusion.

Nothing would happen.

Zim tugged on Dib's hair, "What's wrong with you? Why aren't you yelling about how you'll destroy me?" The alien sneered.

Dib shifted so he could look up at the frowning Irken, "It doesn't matter."

"Why?" Zim murmured. "Do you have a plan?!" He asked in his usual over the top tone, paranoia high.

Dib sighed, "I don't have a plan Zim." He said slowly, "You don't either. You aren't real."

Zim growled, his fist clenching around Dib's hair as he yanked the human's face to his. His angry blue-purple eyes glared into Dib's surprised honey-colored ones, "Those humans are just messing with your brain meats." Zim hissed, "I told you not to believe them. I'm going to get rid of them!"

Dib frowned, inches from the Irken and glaring right back, "You can't get rid of anybody, you aren't real!" He said, his tone higher than before, purposely trying to offend the green-skinned male.

"Zim is real!" The alien snapped, shoving Dib away from him, the human nearly falling out of his chair but he caught himself.

"You aren't!" Dib yelled, letting everything out. "I took those pills and you were gone!"

"I was busy." Zim said right back.

"I didn't take my pills today Zim and guess what? You're back! What is that supposed to mean, huh?!"

"Coincidence."

"It's not!"

"It is." Zim said easily, not deterred by Dib's ramblings. "You're talking stupid, Zim demands you stop."

"Demand?" Dib scoffed, "You can't demand anything from me because you aren't real! Tomorrow you'll be gone when I take my pills again and all this will mean nothing like it always does!"

Zim was quiet, staring at a point in the kitchen.

Dib didn't falter from Zim's silence, he marched up on his enemy, grabbing him by the shoulder and shoving him around, gripping him hard at his shoulders to keep him still. "Do you understand?" He said hotly, unsure what he saw in Zim's eyes then.

The alien was unusually quiet, staring at Dib, not even reacting to his forceful grip. There was some emotion on his face but Dib didn't know what it was. "This is how it has to be." He said quietly.

Dib's brows furrowed confusion evident, "What do you mean?"

"Nothing." Zim tried to shove Dib away but the human held firm.

"No." He said quickly, "Tell me!"

Zim bared his teeth, "Why does it matter? I'm not real remember!"

It was then Dib got what he had seen on Zim's face – he had hurt the alien with his words and Zim hadn't been able to hide it. Dib let the Irken go when he shoved himself away a second time, distance spanning between them as Zim walked to the other side of the kitchen, his back to the youth. Dib's eyes remained on Zim's back, the dim light bouncing off the curve of his Pak almost stinging Dib's eyes. "Zim—"

"I don't want to hear your excuses." Zim cut the human off before he began his body tense. "I only want to know one thing."

Dib swallowed thickly, "What?"

"When I finish my preparations," He began, "Can I trust you will not stand in my way?"

Dib was quiet, trying to mull over what the Irken just asked of him.

If this was real, if he was wrong, he had the option right now to sign off on the Earth and everyone in it for Zim.

If this wasn't real, his answer didn't really matter, Earth was safe no matter what.

But, could he gamble?

What did he really believe?

Was Zim real, or was he fake?

"I…"

Zim turned, his expression more composed than before, "It's a simple question." He murmured, "You still pick all these worthless humans over the mighty Zim?"

Dib looked down at his feet, his drive from before lost as he felt more confused than ever.

What was the right thing to do?

What was he supposed to say?

Zim walked towards Dib, hostility lost as he craned his head just slightly to look up at the human's face, "I believe in you."

Dib understood the meaning.

Zim believed Dib was real; believed he was the only thing that mattered on this planet.

So, why was Dib so confused about it?

Zim's hands reached for Dib's face, the gloves' texture smooth against his skin, the alien demanding his full attention as he held his jaw.

Dib had always believed.

He had been trying to make himself something he wasn't for the sake of being normal.

Normal he didn't even want.

Dib's eyes met Zim's, "I believe in you."

Zim grinned showing his zipper-like teeth, his expression pleased. "Good."

"It's all true then," Dib asked his voice tentative, still unsure. "You do have a plan?"

"Of course," Zim kept his grin, "Where else have I been?"

Dib was quiet a moment, staring down at the smug Irken.

Zim wrapped his arms more firmly around Dib's neck, one hand playing with the shorter strands of hair near the base of his neck. "I'll destroy that horrible mental drone, then I'll destroy the world."

"You'll take me with you?"

"Of course." Zim said easily, "I haven't defeated you yet."

Dib smiled just faintly, "You could just kill me, leave me on this planet." He liked this, this normalcy, he felt more like himself when he was with Zim.

"That would be too easy." The Irken murmured, his eyes glinting, "I want your death to be long and painful."

"How nice." Dib joked, not really believing the alien was going to kill him.

They were past that; it had been years. Their attempts at thwarting each other had gotten childish, more so than before, Dib didn't feel an evil intent behind Zim's attacks anymore.

Zim cared for him most of all; whether he'd ever admit it or not. Whether it was due to possession or otherwise Dib didn't know, but it didn't matter.

As long as Zim cared for him, he'd be alright.

Once this planet was gone, once he gave up everything, he could live his life like he had always wanted.

Screw Earth.

No one believed him, no one but Zim.

"Zim is very nice, so very very nice." He murmured in a low tone, leaning closer to the human.

"Oh?" Dib was fallen victim to the alien's charm, finding himself trying to close the distance as the Irken's eyes fell half-mast in an almost seductive look.

"Mhm." The green-skinned creature nearly purred, pressing his body up against the human's in a suggestive movement, "I'm going to prove to you Zim is real." The Irken murmured, "There will be no doubts."

Dib would have corrected him that he already believed that he was sick of being fed answers from psychiatrists and sick of pills being shoved down his throat. He was done with all that – only Zim mattered; but before he could respond Zim leaned up, their lips meeting and Dib gave himself over to the sensation. Zim's alien tongue probed his lower lip and Dib granted him entrance, the Irken mapping out all that was his in a heated kiss.

Dib's hands found home on Zim's thin waist, pulling him close, meshing their bodies together.

The kiss broke when Zim trailed his lips along the male's jaw, down his exposed neck and producing a contented groan from Dib. One hand lowered down the teen's form, claws gently scraping across the smooth flesh of his side.

"Z-Zim." Dib groaned as the alien bit hard on his jugular, sucking idly and causing his legs to feel weak. He stumbled back, the Irken still attached to him as he fell into the table.

Zim urged the other on top of the table, the human complying best he could as he laid out on the smooth round surface; the tabletop barely big enough for them but it didn't matter. Zim climbed up over his human, trailing lips and teeth down his skin, across his chest as his gloved hand went to work on tugging off Dib's pants.

The human kicked out of his pants and underwear, moaning as he felt Zim's wet tongue brush against a sensitive nipple. "Ahn…" Dib craned his head so he could see the Irken, noticing the possessive look in the pleased fake eyes; it sent a shiver of pleasure right down to his groin. "Zim, ah, c-could…you, you not have a disguise tonight?"

Zim seemed to think about it, going ever lower on the human's body, having already discarded his gloves his bare sharp claws raked down Dib's sides causing superficial cuts to form. Zim's snake-like tongue coiled around Dib's member and the human arched, calling the alien's name as his hands fisted uselessly against the tabletop. "Mm…" Zim purred, sucking the human briefly before responding, "I suppose." He leaned back, contact between them gone in that instant as he worked to take off his disguise and clothing.

Dib leaned up on his elbows, his bright eyes taking in the sight of the Irken as he arched to take off his shirt then moved to yank off his boots and pants. Dib drank in every naked inch of that smooth green flesh before his eyes flicked back to the bright ruby that now stared right back at him.

Zim kept his almost feral grin, once again climbing over the taller male, clawed hands on either side of Dib's head; his legs had already pushed Dib's apart as he forcefully set himself between the male's thighs. Zim enjoyed the look of pure want on Dib's face, the way his blood candies rushed to the surface to flush his ivory skin and give it a pink glow.

Zim's clawed hand traced Dib's face almost in a tender manner but the predatory glint in his eyes dispelled the illusion of love and tenderness.

Control; that's what Zim loved best of all, Dib knew that.

He probably was enjoying everything even more because Dib had basically just given him Earth on top of giving him his body. But that didn't matter. Even if Zim was probably just using him, if any of this was even real or fake, it didn't matter.

All that mattered was the contact between them, the feel of skin on skin, the sensation and the pure need that vibrated between their naked bodies.

Dib needed Zim; he had always needed him.

"Do you want Zim?" The Irken asked, his head dipping down as he traced his lips over Dib's ear.

Dib moaned, "Y-yes." He panted, thinking the alien could read his mind but knowing that wasn't true.

Zim trailed his teeth to the lobe of the human's ear before he sucked on it pointedly, causing Dib to gasp. "Hm," Zim murmured in mock-contemplation, his free hand trailing down Dib's body through the line of hair on his flat stomach to his aching self before he gripped it.

Dib arched again, wanting more, wanting so much more than all this teasing.

Zim never normally teased; he normally just took and claimed and then it was over.

This was new but Dib wasn't complaining; it felt incredible. His hips tried to buck into Zim's hand but the Irken held firm, not stroking, just holding and causing the human to whimper with want, "Z-Zim…"

Slowly, ever so slowly the alien traced Dib's self with his deadly talons but was aware enough not to cut the sensitive flesh. "Mm?" Zim purred, "What do you want?"

Dib swallowed thickly, his heated eyes looking up to the smug Irken, hating himself for feeling so vulnerable and weak under his rival but he couldn't help it. "P-please Zim…I…ahn…" Fuck! Why wouldn't he move his hand more?! Dib squirmed under the alien, annoyed with the teasing fingers but unable to do anything about it. "I want you…please…"

"Then you will have Zim." The Irken murmured, perching once again above the human, looking down to his prize as he trailed his hand away from Dib's member to instead clutch his hip – keeping him firm on the table. He shifted his position, his legs propping Dib up and into proper position.

Dib's breathing was already irregular and he had a mind to yell at Zim to hurry up; trying to shift his position to force the alien against him but it was futile, the more he moved the harder Zim pressed on his hip – he knew it'd be bruised tomorrow.

Without so much of a warning the Irken thrust forward, diving right into Dib's tight warmth and causing the human to scream.

Dib arched his back, his throat exposed as his scream of pain melted into a groan of pleasure as Zim moved out of him again.

In and out, in and out.

The movement had been set; fast and without love as the Irken ground himself harder and faster into the willing male below him causing lewd noises to spill from Dib's lips without his consent, squirming and screaming like a common whore.

Zim's movements were fluid and precise; practice having taught him exactly where to bite, to touch, to tease as he continued to thrust in his partner extracting as many sounds from Dib as he could.

Dib belonged to Zim, that was evident in the way the Irken bit his collar and neck, evident in the way he'd kiss him only to take complete control of the kiss not giving Dib room to kiss him back, evident in the way his claws pierced skin to extract the blood that was his to spill.

Everything about the human drove Zim to a new madness; he was addicted, he always wanted more, and he'd have this human forever once this horrible planet was out of the way.

"Nn…" Dib panted, his hands uselessly gripping at Zim's sides, his blunt nails unable to cut the smooth flesh as he felt his orgasm fast approaching. His body felt numb with pleasure; not even feeling pain but he could smell blood mixed with sweat and the scent of sex. "Gods…Zim…aahhn…"

Zim groaned, feeling himself close he reached for Dib's hands forcefully slamming them on the table as he took a more dominant pose over the other. Arching his back he plunged as deep as he could inside of the human, thrusting with all that he was worth.

"Ah!" Dib saw stars as Zim hit his prostate; stabbing it with each desperate movement and causing him to whimper and beg for the Irken to stop. It was getting too much – he couldn't take it, his body was convulsing from the attack on that bundle of nerves but Zim didn't relent and finally Dib was tossed unceremoniously over the proverbial edge. He yelled Zim's name as he came; sticky fluid exploding between them.

Zim panted, his body quaking with effort before he shoved himself as deep as he could into the human one last time and released moaning words in his native tongue as his eyes slipped shut, his body poised.

Dib looked up to the alien, taking in his slack expression, the way the muscles between his eyes pinched as he came; noticing the sweat on his skin sparkle a soft blue, loving the way his flushed green skin held an almost purple hue to it.

Zim was beautiful.

Dib's sleepy contented smile gave him an almost dopey expression, tilting his head as he nuzzled the green wrist near his face.

Zim slowly opened his eyes almost in a daze, looking down to the human feeling boneless and sated. Gently he pulled himself from Dib, ignoring the human's grumbled of displeasure, releasing the brunette's wrists and sliding himself off the table.

Dib had almost forgot they were in the kitchen, that he was even on a table. He hadn't wanted Zim to leave. Dib moved to his side, feeling too weak to do much else. "Are you leaving?" Dib asked in a sleepy tone.

Zim had cleaned himself with a dish towel before he started to pull on his clothes and disguise again. "I have much work to do." He said in an almost distant drawl.

"Mhm." Dib waved his hand like it was nothing, "But, do you have to leave now?"

"Yes." Zim said easily, pulling on his shoes before he put his gloves back on and adjusted his wig.

Dib was quiet, nuzzling into his own arms and finally feeling the chill of the room on his bare sweat-slicked skin. "That sucks." Dib closed his eyes, wanting to say more but he just didn't feel like it – he felt so tired.

Zim eyed the human a moment before he closed the space between them setting his hand on his head and affectionately tugging his hair.

"You are real," Dib yawned, "Aren't you?"

"Yes." Zim murmured, finally breaking contact as he started to leave the kitchen.

As he heard the retreating footsteps he opened his eyes just enough to see Zim disappear around a corner.

He hadn't heard the door open or shut.

He also remembered he hadn't seen some sort of cloaking device or anything when Zim had shed his clothing earlier.

Dib hoped the alien was correct, he hoped he was real, but Dib doubted it more than ever.

Thoughts began to cease as he let himself slip off to sleep.

--

A/N:

This took forever. I haven't written an intimate scene in ages and I think this one sorta lost flow somewhere. Ugh. Oh well, plot continues! Leave a review if you want to see what happens next~ Thanks for all the support so far!


	6. Chapter 6

"Aliens Don't Exist"

'Chapter Six'

The morning had been a blur. Dib had been lucky enough that his father didn't come home, so when he woke up on the kitchen table he didn't have to go through any awkward motions.

Once awake he had showered, dressed, and made breakfast; just going about the morning trying not to dwell on this and that, not wanting to try and figure anything out, just trying to have some faith in the alien.

The hours had passed quickly, he didn't even know how it was already afternoon but it was and he left the house intent on going to Zim's.

He couldn't even remember the last time he had visited the alien's base.

He couldn't remember why he hadn't been to Zim's, but his memory was sort of a foggy patch work of events, people, places. Dib decided not to take his pills that morning, at least not the new schizophrenia prescription but he had taken his mood stabilizers and anxiety pills. He still didn't want to come to terms with the fact Zim might be a figment of his imagination, not wanting to test his own theory by taking the pills and going to his base – at least not yet.

Dib's hands were tucked in his coat pockets fighting the chill of the afternoon, his eyes trained ahead to streets he had walked countless times, the people around him melting into the backdrop of the town – faceless humans he didn't feel as attached to as he had as a child.

Zim was going to take over the world one day.

Dib had given Earth over to the invader.

Dib should be feeling guilt, remorse, something. But, he didn't. He felt almost numb to the fight he had been fighting since he was twelve. He didn't know if it was called giving up or not, or if he just chose the smart path. There was no point to sacrifice himself to people who didn't even know he existed. It seemed so much more logical to just step aside and let the one thing that ever gave meaning to his life have what he wanted.

Dib still couldn't figure if what he felt for the Irken was love or devotion, or anything like that. He still couldn't tell, didn't know how to tell. He knew what he saw in Zim's eyes were plans on the future, on domination, on control, power. Dib had never seen love in the alien's eyes and he wasn't sure if his face had ever reflected such a thing to Zim either.

Did it really matter?

Dib didn't think it did.

Whatever they had, they had it, and that was good enough right now.

Dib found himself in front of the alien's base right in the middle of two taller buildings; shadowed by them. Zim's house showed no signs of wear, damage or anything else that would hint at its aging. The grass was the same height it had always been, a blush of green in the desolate concrete town; but Dib didn't think the alien ever cut it. The lawn gnomes stood foreboding as usual, the weaponry reflected behind their glassy bulbous eyes; the paint still fresh and pristine on their metal bodies. Dib's eyes flicked up to the obnoxious color of the house to the large windows then to the bright colored door.

Dib felt strange standing there on the sidewalk, sizing up Zim's house, trying to focus hard on it enough so he could believe it was all real. But, the shadows over the base made it look like a smudge of colors, almost like a dream and Dib felt lost all of a sudden.

What if he went inside and nothing was there?

Dib lowered his gaze on the path before him and took the first step towards the alien's door. The gnomes didn't turn to him, didn't even acknowledge him passing by them.

Zim never turned off his defenses.

Dib thought about knocking, was about to before he just let his hand rest on the door knob. He took a deep breath, his fingers taking in the texture of the smooth knob before he tried to turn it.

The door opened without hesitation and the first rays of light from outside illuminated the space inside; light catching on the TV, the couch, illuminating the purple wires that hung low from the ceiling. Everything smelled fresh and new as always, nothing out of the ordinary.

Gir wasn't on the couch, the TV wasn't on.

Dib slowly shut the door with a soft 'click' before he walked further into the darkly lit home. He walked towards the couch, staring down at the plush object as he tried to recall memories of sitting at Zim's side.

It was fuzzy, but the memories were there.

They had agreed to a truce when they were younger for a short time in summer when it was just too hot to chase each other down. They ended up watching TV and eating snacks. It had been like they were friends, but when the truce ended life went back to normal and Dib almost wished it hadn't.

He sighed, raising a hand to pinch the bridge of his nose as he closed his eyes trying to focus, trying to make this feel real but it just didn't. Even when he reached out to touch the arm rest of the couch, even though he was feeling it, it felt as though he just wasn't touching it at all. He tried his hardest to feel along its edge, finding the natural curve of it, feeling the rough texture but it still didn't click in his mind.

God…

What was wrong with him?

He was here, wasn't he?

Dib opened his eyes again, trailing his vision across the walls, towards the black TV and taking notice of his dark silhouette in the reflective glass. He didn't see the remote anywhere, couldn't turn it on, but he supposed it didn't matter.

Dib walked towards the kitchen, flicking on the light and illuminating the blue-green walls and dirty tiles of the floor. The teenager trailed his hand across the smooth surface of the wall, over the off-white fridge, across the grooves in the wallpaper.

He didn't know why he felt detached, like he was just floating in another world.

Dib looked down to the trash bin, knowing that was a route to the bowels of Zim's home. He pressed his foot over the lever, opening the space but all he saw was the metal bottom of the trash bin. That aside, it was too small for him or Zim to fit in anymore. He turned back to the fridge, walking towards it and prying open its massive door with a grunt of effort. This was another path to the Irken's lab. Dib stared at the innocent white insides of the fridge, trying to find something that gave a hint of what it truly was but he found none. Without another thought the boy climbed in, shutting the door as he tucked his gangly frame inside and waited for it to transport him.

It had been a whole minute, Dib was about to give up, having no idea how to work it or even if it worked at all when finally a soft humming sounded and the bottom below him started to shake. With a hiss the fridge finally came to life and extended from the bottom, the space getting bigger and bigger until he could no longer see the ceiling of the fridge he had once been in.

Now standing at full height he turned his eyes ahead, seeing the translucent canister fitted around him humming with the effort it took to transport him to the secret lair of his alien nemesis.

Finally he came to a stop, the great doors opening with a 'whoosh' and granting him passage to the darkened lab. He walked out of the elevator, his footsteps loud in the quiet space around him. He looked off down towards the shadows that led to Zim's make-shift operating room; where he preformed his experiments on people and animal alike. Then he turned towards the illuminated space; the computer console looking like a beacon in the otherwise deserted lab.

Dib walked towards the machine, turning the empty chair and setting himself in it. He stared up at the giant screens, noticing as they blinked with unknown information. Everything was written in Zim's native language and the pictures on the screen had to be a weapon of some sort – or the basic outlines for one. Dib's brow furrowed as he tried to make sense of the pictures but he couldn't be sure what it really was or what it could be for.

It didn't look powerful enough to destroy the world, and it didn't look like anything that could enslave or capture anyone either.

What did the words mean?

He leaned up towards the screen, his glasses reflecting the bright white light as he reached up to touch the surface when a voice hit his ears.

"Dib-thing," Zim said harshly, "What're you doing?"

Dib started, immediately turning to the alien and stumbling over the chair. Catching himself he swallowed thickly, trying to make sense of everything around him.

…where had Zim come from?

"Your defenses are down." Dib murmured his eyes trained on the alien whom lifted his chin to him in an arrogant way, his red eyes narrow as he watched him right back.

Zim didn't look bothered, seeming more annoyed at Dib than the fact that he didn't have his security up. "Why are you here?" He asked, avoiding Dib's question.

"I just," Dib faltered, "I just wanted to come over."

Zim eyed him a long moment before he finally walked towards the chair, glancing to the mess of things still sitting on his computer screen. His large eyes reflected the alien characters; nothing out of place he turned his eyes back on Dib, one gloved hand on the arm rest of his chair and holding it abnormally tight. "I'm busy." He said flatly, his antennae pulled back and exerting an overly hostile air.

Zim had been almost too attentive on him last night and now he didn't want anything to do with him again. It shouldn't be too big of a surprise, the alien's mood changed at the drop of a hat but something about it, something seemed off, wrong almost. Everything was supposed to feel normal between them, on some obscure level and Dib didn't feel that anymore.

Dib felt confused, lost, he just wanted an anchor, something familiar so he could stop feeling out of place but he wondered if coming there had even been the right idea. "What're you doing?" He asked easily dismissing his thoughts and trying to ignore the look Zim was giving him.

"I told you already," The Irken said impatiently, moving to sit in his chair, his head tilted up to the screen his gloved fingers working the buttons on the console. "You said you wouldn't interfere so leave." He murmured, not looking at the human anymore, "I don't have time today for you."

Dib wasn't hurt by Zim's statement, he was used to it, the alien brushed him off quite a bit. "I don't want to leave." Dib said simply, moving to stand behind the chair, his arms resting over the top of it, above Zim's head.

The Irken's form remained tense in response but he continued to focus on the computers, "Why?" Zim finally grudgingly asked, the images before him had tucked themselves away and a new assortment of plans came up. This time there were no images; just the alien language and Dib couldn't make any sense from it.

"I just do." The brunette said flatly, his gold eyes falling on the curve of the alien's head, looking to his antennae as they twitched every now and again.

"I don't want you here."

"I know."

"Then leave."

"Make me." Dib countered, though his words didn't hold the usual bite. He was feeling tired, all around strange but he didn't know how to bring it up – knowing Zim probably wouldn't care about it.

Zim glanced over his shoulder, shooting Dib a glare but other than that he didn't get up from his chair, continuing to focus on the screen.

"Is it important?" Dib changed subjects, pointing at the computers.

"It's the plans to destroy your planet." Dib heard the smirk in his voice, "They are very important."

"How're you gonna do it?"

"You'll see."

Dib frowned, still looking down at the alien, "You can't tell me?"

"No."

"Why not?"

"Because."

"Why?"

Zim growled, "Go away!" He said hotly, turning in his seat again, "I don't want you here!"

Dib rolled his eyes, "Then do something about it or I'm staying."

Dib knew that if Zim really wanted him out he would have forced him out by now.

Everything was confusing about the situation. The fact that the defenses were down, that Zim wasn't attacking him yet, even Gir being gone this long.

Something was wrong.

Zim turned around again, trying to ignore him.

Dib knew Zim wasn't the one to ignore things he didn't like. He normally just took control and disposed of the annoyance. He had done it countless times to him when he was younger and infiltrated the alien's lab.

Maybe…

Maybe something was on Zim's mind too.

Silence passed between them and Dib just stared at the back of the alien; listening to the 'clack' of keys as the Irken worked on creating more strange words to add to the others.

Dib continued to watch the back of the Irken, eyeing the antennae and wondering what they felt like. Dib wondered how Zim's skin would feel – if it'd feel as hot and smooth as it did during sex or if it had another texture entirely when he was stationary.

Thoughts continued and Dib's curiosity mounted, wanting to touch the Irken, wanting to anchor himself down so he wouldn't feel like he was stuck in a dream; hoping the feel of the alien would help him do that. Finally Dib reached out, his fingers brushing the back of Zim's neck, traveling up his head towards his antennae.

Before the Irken could respond the human's fingers gripped the base of the stalk, ghosting his fingers along the curve of it and causing the other male to shudder visibly. "D-Dib." Zim's tone wavered, his fingers stopped running over keys, his eyes falling half-mast as Dib continued to hold his antennae, applying pressure and forcing a soft moan to emit from the alien.

Dib grinned to himself, savoring the texture of the alien's antennae. It was rare he ever got to touch his enemy so intimately and the fact that Zim had been so off-guard should be cause enough for alarm but Dib pushed that aside.

The human leaned over the top of Zim's chair, leaning towards the captured stalk, his lips brushing the end and forcing a gasp from the Irken. Warmth surged through Dib from the vulnerable sounds he forced from his enemy, parting his lips as he nibbled the tip of it.

"Nn…" Zim panted, "S-stop."

Dib's hand moved to grab the other antennae and Zim fell back in his chair, claws digging into the arm rests, his back arched as an unbridled moan fell from his lips. Dib took as much as he could of the antennae in his mouth, passing his tongue around the thick rubbery thing enjoying the quiver it instilled in the Irken.

"Ahnn…" Zim squirmed, "Di-Dib…I…nn…" Zim's gloved claws dug hard into the fabric of his chair, nearly shredding it in his inability to keep control of himself.

Dib smirked to himself, slowly extracting the antennae from his mouth, his other hand still teasing the other, "What Zim?" Dib asked his tone low.

Zim's brows were furrowed, his chest heaving, his head still tilted back to expose the look of pleasure pinched on his face, "Stop…I-I demand that you—"

"Demand?" Dib cut the alien off with the amused question, "I don't think you can demand much of anything." Dib murmured, leaning forward to trace his lips across the back f Zim's skull.

Zim's eyes opened part way, his heated red orbs looking up towards the human; his cheeks flushed a royal purple, his lips parted just slightly.

Dib's hand moved down across Zim's cheek, under his chin, forcing his head up the few inches so their lips touched; chaste at first before the human ran his tongue along Zim's lower lip demanding entrance as he plunged inside and met little resistance from the Irken.

Zim's hand reached up, resting his claws on Dib's arm as his eyes closed; Dib savored the feel of the Irken tongue as it passed over his own, the kiss conveying whatever they felt for each other in a heated display.

Dib shifted, moving without breaking the kiss as he came to stand before the alien; nibbling his lower lip before he broke the kiss, trailing his lips along the smooth jaw. Zim tilted his head back in response, a gloved hand running through Dib's hair, over his scythe shaped cow-lick.

Dib bit hard on the Irken's neck, causing a groan of pleasure to emit. Dib savored the feeling, every touch, all the textures the alien skin provided as his hands ran under the alien's shirt ghosting over the expanse of stomach to run his nails along the curve of his sides.

"Ahh…" Zim grinned, heated gaze turned towards the ceiling of his lab.

Zim parted his legs, allowing Dib to settle between them, his feet up on the computer console, his fingers coiling around the human's hair, tugging it in a needy fashion as Dib began to suck hard on the spot at the base of his jaw.

Dib tried to lean back, breaking contact in an attempt to shrug out of his jacket only to be kept in place by the alien's hands. Dib turned his confused gaze to the green-skinned creature who finally turned his dark eyes back to him. Dib swallowed thickly, unsure what the make of the look in Zim's eyes; the way the light hit his face he looked nearly sinister. "Zim?" Dib questioned, his tone laced with the need still coursing through his body.

Zim eyed the human a long moment, trailing his gloved claws down his neck and smirking when Dib shivered. "You do not control Zim." The Irken said, his tone no longer wavering, his expression no longer holding pleasure or want. His antennae pulled back behind his skull – Dib knew that that meant; Zim was displeased with what he had been doing.

…but he had been enjoying it.

Right?

Dib wasn't sure what the make of the situation, still bound to the alien by the hands gripping the back of his neck, slowly curving around to press hard against his Adam's apple. "W-what?" Dib sobered up as best he could, his mouth dry.

Zim yanked Dib to him in a rush of movement, holding him inches from his face his red eyes narrowed in sadistic glee. His lips parted in a grin, his tongue darting out to wet his own lips before he tilted his head forward and traced Dib's lower lip with his serpentine appendage. He flicked his red eyes to meet the startled amber, "I control you." He in a deliberate tone.

Dib had no time to ponder the change in mood, before he knew he felt a pain at the base of his skull and his whole world went black.

--

A/N:

This took a while for me to do. I kept going back and forth how to continue and how to end it. Over all I'm very happy how it came out. I'm already in the process of writing the seventh chapter!

Please do tell me what you think of it. The next chapter should be up by Christmas if my drive continues. Thanks for reading!


	7. Chapter 7

"Aliens Don't Exist"

'Chapter Seven'

The first thing Dib registered was a pounding headache as consciousness slowly floated back up to the surface. He groaned as he shifted trying to force his eyes open but the migraine that rested right behind them made it difficult.

Slowly he brought his hands up, rubbing at his pounding eyes and noticing then that he didn't have his glasses on. In confusion he opened his eyes and was met with the stark white of the ceiling. Quickly he sat up in bed, suffering a head rush as he forced himself to figure out where he was.

He was…

In his room.

Dib stared at the blue walls, at the mess on the floor, his books, computer, taking a log of everything and noticing nothing out of the ordinary. Once the covers had fallen he found himself to be shirtless and dressed in his pajama bottoms.

Zim wouldn't have re-dressed him if he did bring him home; he would have been thrown on the bed if the invader was feeling nice enough.

He tried to jump start his brain, trying to make it remember what had happened the night before or if the night happened at all.

He remembered going to Zim's house, he remembered when Zim got mad, he remembered the pain in the back of his neck.

He reached up touching the base of his skull and feeling nothing. Not a bump, not a bruise, not anything and he drew his hand back from it.

What was going on?

His brows furrowed as he turned his head towards his window – it was open, the cool afternoon breeze floating in and ruffling his hair. He felt so disorientated and he didn't understand why.

It couldn't have been a dream could it?

He distinctly remembered waking up, getting ready, walking to Zim's house.

It wasn't a dream.

It couldn't have been.

Dib grabbed his glasses off the night table, forcing himself as awake as he could get as he stumbled from his room and down the stairs. He sprinted into the kitchen, fighting his head ache as he glared around the brightly lit kitchen trying to find the electronic calendar.

Ah!

Dib moved over to the microwave staring at the characters and finding some triumph in the fact that it was indeed Thursday.

That meant Wednesday had happened.

But, why was he in his bed? Why had he been re-dressed? Why did his head hurt so fucking bad?

"Shit." Dib growled, pressing his fingers hard against his forehead in a vain attempt to stop the throbbing. He meandered towards the fridge, his free hand fishing for the bottles of pills on top, knocking most to the floor before he gripped the right one and brought it down.

Opening the bottle in haste he poured out three tablets, just wanting the damn pulsing to stop as he swallowed them dry. Setting the bottle on the counter he started towards the living room, kicking the fallen bottles out of his way as he set his sights on the couch.

The house was still a disaster from Tuesday and now he could add the destruction in the kitchen to the equation. It was fine; he just had to clean everything by the time his father got home which wouldn't be for a few more days.

He had time.

Dib had wandered over to the couch, laying his body out on the sofa and just trying to relax. He ran a hand through his hair, his dull gold eyes staring up at the ceiling as he tried to figure out what was going on.

He had a pounding headache but no physical evidence of anything else. This was all so confusing and he wished he could just force Zim to give him all the answers; but then again, the alien might not even be real.

He let out a harsh sigh, closing his eyes, "He's real." He mumbled to himself, "He has to be real."

Dib wondered what Zim had been working on that was so important, what he had been busy with before he barged into his lab. Surely him working meant something.

Dib groaned, turning on the couch and staring blankly at the black screen of the t.v. He sort of wished Zim would hurry up and destroy the planet already – it would definitely make his life easier.

He glanced around the room, noticing the mess he needed to clean and finally he picked himself off the sofa and just decided he may as well focus on something other than his thoughts. Grudgingly he began to pick up the living room, kicking the broken debris into a pile which he would put in a trash bag later.

His movements were sluggish but eventually he had the living room done and the kitchen was well on it's way. He stacked the pill bottles back on the fridge and did a final sweep of the kitchen before he deemed his cleaning work done.

It had only been an hour or so since he had woken up, but now he lacked anything else to do downstairs. Slowly he trailed his way back upstairs, back to his room, intent on taking a nap and forgetting about the confusion of his life.

Dib closed his door before he slipped back under his covers and tried to get comfortable. He slid the window shut and drew the curtains, encasing his room in a gloomy darkness. With a muffled sound he buried himself into his pillow, tossing his glasses onto the floor, not even caring if he might've damaged them.

He just wanted things to start making sense; he wanted his life to go back to being easy.

Go back to when he knew for a fact Zim was real.

Go back to when he had a mission in life; go back to the days when he wanted to save the planet and all the people in it.

Now he didn't give a damn about any of the people in the world. He was finally on the side of his nemesis, yet now his enemy might not even exist and he was just insane.

It was some sort of irony or something.

Dib buried his head under the pillow as his to escape his own thoughts, curling in on himself and trying his hardest to purge his over-active thought process.

He just wanted to sleep.

He wanted to sleep until things made sense.

He didn't want to wake up until a tomorrow would be normal again.

--

A/N:

Argh. Short chapter is short. Don't worry, the next one is long. I couldn't think of a good stopping point or a continuing factor. I just thought this transition chapter had to get in here, even though it's sort of lacking of much of anything. Oh well. Next one has action and things and it finally shoves the plot in a proper direction. Please leave a review if you are still interested in reading!


	8. Chapter 8

"Aliens Don't Exist"

'Chapter Eight'

The past few days were blurs of mundane events.

Dib's father had his usual speech for him, nothing new, nothing intimate, just the basics as usual. Dib was almost disappointed in his father's mechanical parental care, but then again, he'd been like that his whole life and he really didn't expect it to change now.

He just needed to get fixed, that was all Professor Membrane cared about.

That aside, he hadn't seen Zim again. But, he didn't gain the courage to go back to his base and confront him. He had been taking all his pills like a good boy and had an induced feeling of tiredness and depression. He had fallen into a horrible slump and he just couldn't pry himself out of it. Normally he talked to himself, tried to boost his own spirits that way, but his inner dialogue and his pressing thoughts had turned to a sluggish pace and Dib wondered if that was how normal people normally thought like.

He didn't like it.

He was used to thinking a mile a minute and being on constant edge; it made his heart beat and he felt so much more alive that way. With all these drugs he didn't know what he felt like; definitely not like himself and he wished he could end this whole charade.

Dib just wasn't meant to be normal; normal didn't fit his natural mold.

He wanted to stop all the psychiatrist visits, wanted to throw all the pills down the drain but his duty to his father kept him from doing that as well as his own doubts about his sanity.

It was another Tuesday and Dib found himself in the usual confining office. Normally he laid out on the couch, or just sat on it, but today he felt like standing. He felt on edge for a reason he couldn't explain and he had wandered towards the large window. His hands were tucked in his coat pockets, his eyes staring right through the pane at the city below.

The building was tall, the office on a higher story and it caused the people and cars on the streets to look like dark shapes. It gave him a feeling of vertigo and he began to wonder just how strong the window was and how easily it could be broken.

He couldn't survive a fall like that; he'd become putty on the pavement if he jumped.

Dib entertained the thought a moment, unable to pry his eyes away from the dizzying view and the running scenario in his head.

"What're you thinking about?" Came the woman's voice to his right.

Dib started, turning his gold eyes on the blonde sitting in her chair just in front of her desk as always. The clipboard was propped on her knee, pen in hand and ready to write as her fake cheery face was turned to him. He bit his lip a moment as he turned his eyes from her, looking back out the window. "Nothing."

She sighed softly, Dib heard the scritch of the pen across the paper, "We've been over this Dib. This should be a place where you can clear your mind, it'll help you cope." She paused, flicking her eyes at the man who didn't seem intent on turning to her again. She brushed some hair over her shoulder, righting her spine and getting comfortable, "How is the medication working?"

"Fine." Dib was grateful for the subject change, but he didn't want to talk about his newfound depression. It wasn't like him to feel this down and out, but he didn't want to get into it with her right now.

"Just fine?"

"Yeah."

"No Zim?"

Dib was quiet a moment, thinking back on when he entered the alien's lab, how the Irken attacked him. "No Zim." He echoed his tone hollow.

Ms. Bueller didn't seem convinced, "Are you lying?"

Dib felt like a child in these sessions, always having to back-track over things, always being thought of as a liar no matter what he said. "Not since Wednesday." He finally confessed.

"What happened?"

"He," Dib sighed, finally turning from the huge window and walking over to the couch. He plopped himself down heavily, avoiding the woman's eyes, "He attacked me."

"Attacked you?" She paused, studying his face, "Do you know why?"

"No."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes." Dib murmured, picking idly at a loose string on the couch.

She tried not to be deterred by his flat tone, knowing something was on his mind but she was unsure how to go about getting him to talk. "Dib," She murmured in a coaxing tone, "There's something on your mind."

Dib was silent, still not looking directly at her.

"You can talk."

"He's been acting weird."

Ms. Bueller perked to attention, "Weird?"

Dib nodded stiffly, trying to get comfortable but he found he couldn't. He felt restless and tired all at once; he just wanted to go back home and try and forget about Zim, about what happened. But, that wasn't going to happen, not until the session was over, and maybe talking would help him get rid of some of his stress. "I went to his base a few days ago." Dib decided not to mention the kitchen incident, "I tried to…" He fidgeted, getting uncomfortable again.

There was a pregnant pause before the woman spoke up, "What did you try?"

He swallowed thickly, "I tried to kiss him, tried to…" He waved his hand, hoping she'd get the message, "But then he attacked me, knocked me out I think. I woke up in bed, dressed in new clothes and I couldn't remember everything that happened. It's all fuzzy."

"Hm," She clicked her tongue, "Perhaps you were dreaming?"

"I wasn't." He said firmly, "It happened on Wednesday." He flicked his eyes to her, "I woke up on Thursday."

She decided not to press the issue, "I see."

"I don't know what's going on with him." He murmured more to himself than Ms. Bueller.

"Did you take your medication that day?"

He flushed, not wanting to reveal the information but his response was enough.

"So, you didn't take your medication then?"

Dib glanced away again.

"It could have just been a hallucination, a dream." She said, writing once again on her note pad. "Did you have a bruise? Any physical evidence of his attack?"

"No." Dib said sullenly, not having any evidence aside from the pounding headache he woke up with. He kept trying to convince himself it had happened but he couldn't be sure it did. "I had a headache."

"Was that all?"

"I just woke up with a really bad migraine."

"Have you been taking your medication since then?"

"Yes."

"And you haven't been seeing Zim again?"

He didn't like the coincidence, finding it harder and harder to convince himself that it wasn't just a coincidence. "I haven't." He confirmed.

"Is there any other things that have been going on?"

"I've been feeling depressed and my memory has been worse than usual."

"Hm, that might just be your body reacting to it. Some side effects. They should go away after a while. Is the depression bad, suicidal thoughts or anything?"

"No." Dib admitted, "Just making me sort of tired, out of it."

"I see." Ms. Bueller smiled that fake smile of hers, "I'm sure it'll be alright, you just have to get used to them."

Dib was quiet, staring off towards the wall again.

"Has anything else been going on lately?" She asked, trying to prompt Dib to talk about anything further.

The brunette thought back to the week previous; to all the events that happened. From the sex in the kitchen to the trip to the lab. Dib flushed slightly, averting his eyes to the floor, not wanting to mention any of it. "No." He finally uttered.

"No?" She quirked a brow.

Dib shrugged, "Nothing important."

The blonde woman eyed Dib a moment before she set her note pad on her desk along with her pen. She then neatly folded her hands in her lap, "Dib," She said to gain his attention, "I've been talking to your father. Since you've been having these hallucinations, and your memory is acting up, also you still get those cuts and bruises," She paused, "We've decided that perhaps sending you to a clinic to be monitored might be best for you right now."

"A clinic?" Dib balked, "Like, a loony bin?" He nearly scoffed, his attention fully set on the woman.

"It's not like that." She said dismissively, "You will be admitted to a mental hospital but it'll only be temporary. Since you've been having all these troubles, it's highly recommended we monitor you and see what's really going on.

…what's really going on.

The statement rang in Dib's head.

No one believed him.

Dib was at a loss, his heart hammering in his chest, his mouth was dry. He felt fear, a cold icy chill in every inch of his body. If he was admitted there and he was fully deemed crazy, he'd be locked away forever.

All alone.

"Dib." She cut into his thoughts with her firm voice, "It's only temporary." She murmured, "There they'll be able to watch you when you take your medications, they'll be able to track your mood swings. It's highly beneficial for you."

"No!" He nearly yelled, getting to his feet, "I'm not going!"

She didn't seem bothered by his outburst, "I'm sorry. It's already been arranged with your father. He signed the forms and you're going to be heading there today after this session."

Dib's brows furrowed as he looked hard at the psychiatrist, "How can that happen? I'm legally an adult." He said, trying to keep some composure but just the thought of being carted away to some facility was enough to get him riled up again.

"Yes, but you currently live with your father and at this moment in time you are not mentally stable." She said evenly.

"I'm fine." He said defiantly.

"You're doing better than before." She agreed, "But this will help you further, we can fully understand what's happening."

"I'm not going."

"You will be going today. You will be staying there for a month. They'll track your progress, evaluate your episodes."

"Episodes?" He said, confused by the statement.

"When you see Zim."

He wanted to yell about how Zim was real, how she didn't understand that he didn't experience 'episodes' that he wasn't crazy but he held his tongue. He had no way to prove anything; and even he doubted his own sanity. However, the fact that he had doubt in himself made him all the more fearful of the results to be found at the clinic.

"I'm sorry this is so abrupt." She murmured, "But, this will help you. This is just another step in your road to recovery."

"I'm not going!" He said a bit more firmly, his fists clenched at his sides, anger covering his blatant fear of the unknown.

"Dib," She said calmly, "Do you believe Zim is real?"

Dib faltered, his silence speaking for him.

"If you believe he is real, and if he is indeed real, then what is there to be afraid of?"

"I…" He didn't know how to respond, didn't want to admit all his doubts, but they were clearly written on his face.

Her lips tugged into a disarming smile, "It's only a month. You'll be fine."

But…

What if he wasn't?

What if…Zim really wasn't real?

Ms. Bueller got up from her seat, gesturing towards the door, "Two men will be waiting for you in the lobby."

Dib swallowed thickly, not meeting the woman's eyes as he slowly walked towards the doors to the exit. He lifted his hand to touch the handle, deliberately taking his time, not wanting to open the door.

"Don't worry." She murmured, "You'll be just fine."

It felt like such an ominous statement coming from the psychiatrist who obviously thought he was crazy.

She was tossing him to the wolves and he had no way around it.

Dib hoped beyond all hope Zim was real…

Hoping the alien might just come and save him.

--

A/N:

This one isn't as long as I'd hoped, but it is longer than the one I just submitted. So, anyhow, there it is! I hope you have enjoyed the story thus far. It will not be transitioning to the mental hospital and you will be meeting Dib's new psychiatrist Dwicky here shortly. Please leave a review if you want to see this continue~


	9. Chapter 9

"Aliens Don't Exist"

'Chapter Nine'

Dib had been admitted an hour ago.

He had been so scared coming up to the white building; his hands were shaking, his heart was beating and he was sweating all over. It was his worst nightmares come true; staring up at the formidable ivory-bricked building, staring up at the bars on every window, walking into the sterile environment and knowing he had just walked into hell.

It couldn't be happening…!

It couldn't!

Dib had fought the urge to thrash when a nurse took his hand and guided him to a room to change; he was ready to have a panic attack, his breathing exaggerated and his mind was going blank feeling like a caged animal.

But he had made it.

Made it this far.

Dib was currently in his room alone, situated in a corner and hugging himself. He was dressed in a thin white gown; feeling more exposed than he had ever felt in his life. He felt cold even though the temperature was normal and no matter how hard he tried he couldn't step further into the room. He stayed against the wall, his amber eyes flicking here and there and taking in the clean desolate space.

There was only a single bed; the walls white, the tile white, the bedding white.

It hurt his eyes to stare at the bright color.

He pinched his eyes shut, mumbling to himself, "You'll be fine. You'll be fine. You'll be fine." His heart was thudding against his ribs, "Just a month. A month. Only a month. One month." He bit his lip, trying to get a hold of himself, trying to find reality that had become buried under his need to panic.

He had to stop acting like this.

He knew they were watching.

He could feel them watching.

There were cameras in the four corners of the ceiling; monitoring him. He knew that hiding against a wall wasn't giving him points towards sanity but he just couldn't help it. He felt so insignificant and strange in this depressing room and he just wanted out.

With a collected breath he opened his eyes again, trying to stare hard at the room, trying to get used to it.

There was a window, one right over the bed with thick black bars on it.

Black; that was a better color than white.

Dib took another few deep breaths, focusing on the dark color and all it reminded him of.

Reminded him of his clothing, his trench coat, reminded him of all the battles he faced – all the ripped black jeans and tears in his leather coat.

Black also reminded him of Zim's gloves and how the latex felt against his skin; somehow soothing in its impersonal touch. He also thought of Zim's antennae and what they were like when he felt them, how it made the alien shudder and gasp.

Dib smiled softly to himself, "I can do this." He let out a breath, "I'll be fine."

His eyes drifted to the bedding, noticing the smooth metal frame that didn't have a sharp point on it – all rounded. That steel gray made him think of medical instruments; Zim's examining table – fond memories despite how perverse and sick it was.

Though as he continued to stare he noticed no other colors; but that had been good enough to settle his mind. Black and gray; the in-between in this white world that he could latch onto and hold.

Slowly but surely Dib inched his way out of his corner, taking small baby steps towards the bed.

He knew this was one of the best rooms in the entire hospital; knowing his father must've paid quite a bit to get him a quiet space alone to be watched. Dib was glad he wouldn't have to be around other crazy people, glad he would be alone to his thoughts most the time. In a month he would be free, he could go back living how he was, go back to chasing Zim.

Dib paused in his movements towards the bed, lifting his chin and looking towards the barred window.

Zim.

Would Zim know where he was?

Would he come get him?

Dib didn't care to wallow in self-doubt and think about Zim not being real. He had to believe; this was one of the times he just had to push up his hope and trust and just know the alien was real and he'd be coming for him.

He'd get out one way or the other.

Either in a month, or when Zim got him.

He could do this.

He'd be fine.

Dib let his eyes drift back to his space; noticing how there wasn't a sharp corner anywhere. There was nothing he could use as a weapon, the thought only crossing his mind because when he fought with Zim anything could be used to defend himself. But, in this sterile space there was nothing to be had.

Well…

Unless he counted his glasses.

He could smash them and use the shards as a meager form of support if something attacked him. Dib frowned slightly; knowing he had to appear as sane as possible to even keep his glasses. They had wanted to take them when they took everything else from him but he had pleaded that he needed them.

His eyes weren't just bad, they were awful.

Without his glasses he couldn't see more than a few inches ahead of him. The shapes close were all fuzzy, but anything beyond that were just blurs of colors and he didn't like it when his world was so un-defined.

"No." He said to himself for no real reason, resolute in his ability to keep his single luxury as he inched ever closer to the bed.

Once he had finally made it he tentatively sat down; the thin blankets making a scraping sound as his meager weight disturbed them. The mattress was hard, but it did have some give, and if Dib could sleep on a metal table he could surely sleep on this.

Dib looked around the space from his new vantage point; staring at every impersonal inch of it, trying to get used to the room he was going to be spending a whole month in. He wasn't sure if he'd remain isolated, but he sort of hoped he would. He didn't want to venture anywhere outside of his room, afraid of everything he'd find outside of it.

Slowly he drew his legs up to his chest and wrapped his arms around them, hugging himself in a defensive posture as his gaze dropped to his feet. He was only wearing his socks; they were an off-white color, an older pair since he hadn't put fresh ones on that morning and he was sort of regretting that now.

It was good to focus on the little things.

If he kept focusing on the insignificant points of his life right now he didn't have to think of the big picture; and if he didn't think of the big picture, he didn't start feeling depressed.

He wiggled his toes, his eyes slightly unfocussed as he watched the meager action; his fingers fisting into the fabric at either side of his knees.

A shuffling sound started him from his thoughts and he immediately moved further on the bed, running himself right into the headboard as his large amber eyes tried to figure out where the sound was coming from.

It sounded like metal on metal; and he could hear footsteps.

Zim?

Was it Zim?!

Dib braced himself against the headboard, his eyes finally falling on the metal door where the scraping was more prominent. His heart was beating hard in his chest and he hoped beyond hope that the person to emerge through the door would be his alien foe.

The door finally swung open and revealed the person whom seemed to have had trouble with the locks since he held a nice ring of keys in his left hand and a clipboard in his right. As the taller doctor caught Dib's eyes he smiled, his blue eyes twinkling in a way Ms. Bueller's had never done.

"Hello there." He said kindly, stepping into the room and shutting the heavy door behind himself.

As the stranger busied himself with the locking system Dib slowly peeled himself away from the top of his bed, and sank further down into the mattress. This time he didn't draw his legs up mainly because he was more or less wearing a paper dress now and he felt too self-conscious with someone else in the room.

Dib's eyes narrowed as he scrutinized the person's back, noticing the properly pressed white coat and the wrinkle-free black slacks that just slightly fell over black shoes. As the man turned he flicked his eyes right back to his pale youthful face, taking in the sight of those same kind blue eyes as well as the bright smile he wore.

He looked friendly in every sense of the word; and for some reason the crumpled tie around his neck made him seem more personable.

But Dib didn't trust easy; not anymore, not since he had been a child and he was starting to grow paranoid of his new shrink and everything that might lie beyond that happy friendly mask.

Dib didn't buy it.

He couldn't.

He wasn't fixable because he wasn't broken.

This new doctor thought he was crazy, just like Ms. Bueller and one wrong move and he'd be sent further into the bowels of this hell hole.

He frowned, his eyes narrowing, "Who are you?"

"My name is Mr. Dwicky," He extended a hand; "I'm here to help."

--

A/N:

Short chapter is short. However, it's a transition point. I didn't want to dive right into Dwicky until next chapter so that one will be longer. Thank you for reading and I'd love you forever if you left me a review.


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